1 YEAR

Oh boy... it happened.

This day happened. This day, that we celebrated 1 year since our sweet little Oliver finally made his grand entrance into this world.

Can I believe it? Not really. Am I happy? Oh yes. Crying? check.

My mind has been flooded with thoughts from what my life was like 1 year ago. Where I was. What I was feeling. What was happening. Yesterday, I was taken back to one year ago on November 20th. I was driving to St. George again (we had been back and forth for a few weeks as we anxiously awaited Oliver's debut). I remember VIVIDLY at that time thinking and praying that this trip would be the last time I would have to go back to SLC without my son. I was so desperate to meet him, to hold him and let him feel how much I loved him.
I was SO, SO ready.
I also remember vividly feeling a kind of fear that I have never felt before. A fear that "what if something went wrong". I loved him so fiercely before he was born, that I felt as though I had been carrying him all along, and the thought of him not coming home with me was a kind of fear I just can't describe with words. It's hard for me to even think about to this day. Yet, through all the fear, I felt a peace... which much like the fear, is hard to describe.
I knew he was mine.
I knew that was the plan all along.
I knew it was right.
I knew it would be ok.

And then, he came.

It all happened so incredibly fast... I was in shock. Literally. I just stood there shaking and crying, I didn't know what to do. I just watched him. Watched the nurses clean him up and make sure he was healthy, and as I was watching, one of the nurses literally grabbed my arm, pulled me towards him, pushed another nurse out of the way, and put my hand on him... yet another moment that I just can't describe. I sat there surrounded by medical personnel, holding my baby's hand, and everyone else disappeared. And in that instant, I knew he was mine and he knew I was his.
I am so grateful to that nurse for snapping me out of my state of shock so I could have that moment with him. SO grateful. It was magic.

And my life has never been the same since. And I am so glad.
I have never felt so happy. So at peace.
The past year has by far been the best of my life. More joy, more laughs, more love, more smiles than any other time. I could not possibly be any more blessed.

Oliver,
Mom and Dad love you so much. So much more than you will be able to understand until the day you become a Daddy. You are perfect to us. We will be grateful to you for all eternity for picking us to be your parents. Thank you for your great big smiles, for your kisses, for how happy you are every day, for your funny faces you make, for how excited you get to see us in the morning, for being THE BEST boy we could have ever hoped for. For everything.

We love you buddy bear.

NOW

On to the really fun stuff.... the pictures :)
Here are a few from his party.

BIG thank you to my long time best friend Bevin for working ALL day to help me get this all ready and for making that ADORABLE cake.
Ollie is scared of cakes... more on this in a sec.
These boots... oh I love these boots. And that picture on the left... that is Ollie's stink face. It is the funniest thing. I love it so much.
Before I had Ollie, I had this dream in my head of my first child's first birthday. How the party would be and what kind of pictures I would do. The party, went exactly as I had always hoped. The pictures..... not quite.
Apparently, Oliver is deathly afraid of cake. Or at least touching cake. I know he likes to eat cake because I had him practice with a little tester the day before.
But don't make him touch the cake or sit near the cake.
Here is a little smidgen of how the shoot went:

Oliver is only smiling for about 15 seconds while Jon was jumping up and down trying to get him to stop crying...
He doesn't like cakes. He doesn't like when you try to force him to touch cakes. He doesn't like it at all.

I was so sad I couldn't get any pictures of him with his hands all digging in to his cake and shoveling in his mouth like I had planned. But that's my boy :) Who knows what he will do. I still love him and these pictures will always be priceless for me.

Thank you to everyone that came to help us celebrate this great little boy. He was so spoiled. He is so lucky to have so many great family and friends that love him. :) Thank you.