Keeping up appearances

Like most new Momma's I know that have a new baby and a toddler or just a new baby, I don't get ready anymore.

I wear sweats or pajamas pretty much all day. I don't do my hair or make-up unless I HAVE to go out in public and by "doing hair and make-up" I mean putting my hair in a pony and throwing on lotion and mascara. Maybe a pair of jeans to make it look like I get dressed each day. Lies.

This seems to be the standard for most women in my blessed situation. Why take the time to get ready? I don't even HAVE the time to get ready. No one is going to see my anyway. Blah blah blah.

On Tuesday, I decided to fight the urge to clean house or nap when the kids actually napped at the same time, and take the time to get myself "ready". I showered, put some marakesh oil in my hair, blow dried, curled, the whole shebang. Then I did a little make-up (I am soooo bad at make-up, have no idea how to do it) and sprayed a little something lovely smelling on.

And something magic happened. I felt BETTER! I felt like my old self. The one who loved to look nice, clean, fresh. I remembered that I really love fashion. I love clothes and shoes and accessories and generally anything that is young and fun and especially something a little different than just a T-shirt and jeans. Not that there is anything wrong with T-shirts and jeans, heaven knows that's what I have been wearing on the days when I felt like I had to get dressed. But it really was a little magic. I was instantly in a good mood. I felt confident. I was excited for Jon to come home for reasons other than I would get a little help with the kiddos. I was excited for my kids to wake up so I could play with them. It was awesome.

Anyway, this experience has helped me understand a little better what it means when women say they "lose themselves" a little bit when they become Mommies. Not because they don't want to be Mommies, because they do, I do. I love being a Mommy and wouldn't trade my life for anything. Seriously not anything. BUT, I have started to feel a little lost. Like I didn't have any interest in myself anymore. It was all about taking care of babies, home, husband and my business. All things I love, but I was just missing myself on the list. I think I'm gonna try harder to put myself back on it. For real. I always agree when people say it's important to take time for yourself, but I never put that into practice because I didn't realize how true it really was.

SO. I vow to do better. I won't be perfect and I will still likely not get "ready" several days a week, but baby steps huh? Anyone else with me?

One down side to this renewed interest in fashion...
I wanna go shopping.

Christmas and Floundering Mamma

Merry belated Christmas


Hope you all (all 4 of your that still read this blog) had a wonderful Christmas and are recovering from the craziness.

I had one of the if not THE best Christmases. I was in warm, sunny St. George. My entire family was together for the first time in a few years, Ollie was in some state of euphoria the entire time with so many cousins, nana's, papa's and friends to play with, Sophie was loved and adored by all who met her, I was overwhelmed (understatement) with generosity and I was very aware the whole time that my Savior, Jesus Christ loved me. Why else would he bless me with all of this? I love when Christmas falls on a Sunday. It always enhances the true meaning of the day when we take time to go to church and feel of that incredible spirit. A little time out from the craziness of gifts and food and fun.



In other news... I'm feeling kinda like this these days

Not physically, but mentally and emotionally.

The adjustment from 1 to 2 kids has proven FAR more difficult than I imagined (I am typing this one handed while holding a fussy Sophie while Ollie is glued to the iPad).

I guess I figured that I have done this before so doing it again would be no problem.
Wrong.

Sophie is a different baby than Ollie. She sleeps at night (yay!) but not in the day (boo). She nurses... constantly. Too much in fact because I cannot keep up with her demand. She is really not on any kind of schedule yet. It's just a whole different ball game with her. PLUS, lets not forget that Ollie Pop has needs too. I just feel like I cannot keep it all together most days. No time for anything but taking care of my babies. No time to get ready, no time to eat (which makes me make less milk which worsens the issue with feeding Sophie), no time to take care of my home besides an occasional load of dishes and laundry. Oi.

It's been a lot. Particularly feeding Sophie. It's so frustrating when I can't seem to keep up with her. I want to give her the very best I can and when I can't, I feel awful. I never realized how much pressure was on a woman when you are the source of your baby's nutrition. Ollie was formula fed his whole infancy and he has always been one of the healthiest kids I know, so why do I feel like dirt when I have to supplement Sophie with a little formula? I only started doing that a few days ago because I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Why?! Pressure.

I am not posting this for pity, it's just one of those things that makes me feel better if I get it off my chest. In talking with other Moms of two, it's made me feel better to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. Makes me feel like less of a failure because this seems to be the norm in most cases. I also realize that this whole situation will get better. It will get easier. I will get in a routine, I will figure this out and all will be well. Of that I am sure. I am also sure that there is absolutely NOTHING else I would rather be doing. It's unreal how much I love my kids. Ollie makes me laugh and smile and remember to play every single day. He melts my heart when I say "I love you" and he says "uff oo too (love you too)". He is the most charming little man I know. And Sophie makes me feel so content and happy when she is sleeping on my chest or is cuddled up in my arms. She is very close with heaven and I feel that when I have quiet moments with her and it's incredible. Plus she's just the cutest baby girl I have ever seen.

Bottom line is, my house is a mess, there are dishes and laundry and stuff everywhere, I am rarely dressed and hair/make-up is even more rare, my baby is not on a schedule yet and has formula now and then, BUT all will be well if I let it be. And I'm gonna try.

The past month

**Caution, don't read if you are easily grossed out**

What a ride this past month has been.


Our lives have been SO blessed to have little Sophie in our home. She is so sweet and happy and an AMAZING sleeper at night. Ollie didn't start sleeping through the night until he was one, so having baby girl sleeping so well this early was a very welcome surprise!


Ollie has been incredible. Seriously, he couldn't be doing better. I have not seen an ounce of jealousy in him, which really surprises me because I spend so much time feeding Sophie. But he usually just comes and hangs out in the nursery while I feed her and we sing songs and he plays with his toys. He's just the most incredible little boy. He LOVES Sophie and always lets me know when "Offie sad" and then promptly runs to her and tells her "it ok Offie". It just melts me heart to see him be so sweet with her.


It's been a really long month. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this to complain, because things could have been SO much worse and really, Sophie is completely and totally worth every single hardship. I would do it all again in an instant for her. But as much as I love having my two babies, I have really struggled to take care of them and our home because I have had such a difficult recovery since delivery. The first two weeks I was just in so much pain from tearing so badly and a long long labor. When that finally started to improve, I started hemorrhaging. It would happen with NO warning and I would be soaked down to my ankles in literally an instant. The first time it happened it scared me to death, I didn't know what was happening and I couldn't control the bleeding so we called 911 and they sent an ambulance. SO lucky Jon was home at the time. The ER couldn't find the source of the bleeding so we assumed it was a fluke thing. A few days later the same thing happened again, in my car, while I was driving, alone, on the freeway. Way fun. Now we knew something was clearly not right. I ended up getting another Ultrasound (they had done one at the ER and didn't see anything) and at that time they did see that there was something in my uterus and likely causing the bleeding. I had a D&C done the next day where they did find 2 large pieces of placenta that were the problem. They were removed and everything went fine. Today I am feeling better than I have in a long time and it feels soooo good.

Like I said, it's been a tough month, but I am so unbelievably grateful for all the family and friends that have helped me and my family through all of this. I have had so much help and support and it has meant the world to us. I hope I can repay you all someday.

We are really excited for me to be healthy again and to get to St. George for a wonderful Christmas with our families. Ollie is pretty much in heaven in St. George. Playing outside with all his cousins is his happy place. Can't wait to see the joy he will be overflowing with.

She's here

Hello world.

This is Sophie.


She's our baby girl... holy cow, I still can't even believe it. I can't believe she is here and she is ours.

The journey getting her here was not what I expected for sure. But she is oh so worth it. Every bit of it.

I was admitted to Labor and Delivery on Sunday the 13th to begin my induction because of high blood pressure. I was started on a medication to try and get my body a little more ready for labor right away. What I understood of this medication was that it would simply soften things up to get ready for the labor inducing Pitocin. I anticipated a very uneventful evening and the labor to start on Monday when they started the Pitocin, and so I sent Jon to work that night to wrap up his project so he could take the rest of the week off. A few hours later, I was bawling my eyes out in pain with back to back, non-stop contractions. The doctors and nurses were all very thrown off by my reaction to the medication and suggested I get the epidural that night which I gladly accepted. Thank heavens for that stuff.

It was a long night, and a long day Monday. After 25 hours in labor, and then 1 hour of pushing, our perfect little girl was born. She was 6lbs. 6oz. and measured at 20 inches long, although she was re-measured later and was 19 inches long, which I think was more accurate.

It was overwhelming in so many ways it's just so hard to describe. I was in a lot of pain, even with the epidural, and baby girl was not kind to my body, lets just say she left her mark. But seeing her and hearing her cry was indescribable. I was sobbing. SOBBING. Just like when Ollie was born.

She was having a little trouble breathing but was quickly taken care of and in my arms. I didn't hold her long because I was so weak, so I passed her to her Daddy and watched the sweetest Daddy- Daughter meeting ever.

My recovery since has been hard. Really hard. Nothing like what I was prepared for. Thank heavens for my husband and Mom who have taken care of EVERYTHING while I have been a useless mess.

Ollie has been really good with his new sister. He was really excited when he first met her and has since shown little interest in her. I don't blame him. She doesn't do much so she's pretty un-amusing to 2-year-old. Speaking of, Ollie turned TWO!! We were all so crazy with Sophie's arrival and Ollie was so sick, so his actual birthday was pretty lame, but he seemed pretty content with a small birthday cake and a new train set. Can't believe my baby boy is two. He looks like a giant next to his baby sister who is the same size he was when he was born.

There is so much to the whole story but I think that's probably enough for now. We are just SO SO happy our girl is here and SO grateful that she is healthy and seemingly perfect. I just can't believe we have these two incredible kids. I can't believe we are a family of 4.

Here comes baby!

Wow... what a week it has been.

My pregnancy has gone so well. I have been really lucky to have such a healthy and smooth pregnancy. Minimal morning sickness, normal weight gain, everything has been right on track.

Well, starting on Tuesday things took a little change. I felt fine as I went in to see my Doctor for a regular visit but to our surprise my BP was very high. So I was sent to Labor and Delivery and told that if it didn't come down, they would induce me that day (yikes!). Thankfully, my pressure went down and all my labs were normal so I was sent on home.

Long story short, Wednesday and Thursday went about the same. Each time I came to follow up with my Doctor, my BP was high, higher each day in fact and so each day she sent me back to Labor and Delivery where my BP would almost immediately come down. Weird.

I do not have pre-eclampsia, just high blood pressure, but it's enough that my Doctor is not comfortable with me staying pregnant, and so, Sunday, my 37 week mark, is the day! I will go to the hospital Sunday evening for some "preparatory medication" and they will start Pitocin on Monday morning. My body at last check was not at all ready for labor and so I anticipate a very slow, long process on Monday before our sweet baby girl makes her big entrance.

I can't believe this is happening... I was supposed to have another month, I had plans! I guess our little princess has plans of her own though.

I am SO beyond excited to finally meet her, hold her, kiss her, to see her with her big brother, to see his reaction to her. SO excited for all of that! I'm just hoping and praying that she is a healthy girl. She will be full term and I know that she will be ok, but didn't you just worry like crazy that your baby wouldn't be healthy?? Is that just me? It just seems like no one could be so lucky as to have TWO children in perfect health, but that seems to be the norm. I just can't wait to hear her cry.

Funny, Jon took this picture just before I was leaving for my Doctor appointment and I said "I hope this is the LAST one of these we have to do!". Meaning, I have been taking these pictures about every 6 weeks and I hoped I would not go 2 weeks over my due date, I didn't mean she needed to come out NOW.

Anyway though, here we are, weeks 30 & 36

I look weird in that picture... my face is doing something funny.

Anyway, I am home on strict bedrest until Sunday to try and keep my blood pressure down. My family and friends have been angels taking care of Ollie but I am REALLY missing him. I feel so sad that I am on bedrest and can't do all the fun things with him that I wanted to do before this baby came. I had all these plans, and now I am stuck being a boring bump on a log momma. :(
I am so so sad that I can't really take advantage of these last few days of just Ollie. I know I will still have time with just the two of us, so I am trying to remember that another baby doesn't replace my Ollie, and doesn't mean I can't spend time with just him. I just wish I could do more with him now.

I guess the next post you see here will be of baby girl... that's crazy.
Wish us luck!!!

Hoot Hoot

This Halloween was SO much fun.

Last year, Ollie was just too little and had no idea what was going on. This year, he got it. Wear the costume, say "tee to teet" and you get candy. Easy as that.

I was also very proud of my little non-sewer self for making my little hoot's costume this year. Sewing is not one of my skills and I didn't use a pattern, but I was happy with the outcome.

"hoot hoot"

I love the above left picture, that's ollie's cheeser underbite grin and I find it so goofy and adorable.

I had a very busy day on Halloween and took no time whatsoever getting myself together so I look like a bit of a hag, but I had to have a picture of myself with the cute "pumpkin smuggler" shirt my mom found for me. It was oh so appropriate. What else can a 9 month pregnant lady be on Halloween?

Anyway, it was a really fun night watching my little buddy and his friends have so much fun. It's amazing how happy it makes you feel to see your kid happy.

A happy time

So, Jon and I decided to have some little family/maternity pictures taken a few weeks ago. At the time, I would have rather had a fork stuck in my eye than have photos taken of myself, but Jon kept telling me I would regret it if I didn't have any pictures of this really amazing time in our lives and eventually, I agreed.

My vain, girly mind could point out all kinds of flaws and unflattering features, but my better side is prevailing and saying these are beautiful. They really are. This has been an incredible blessing in our family to have this opportunity to be pregnant and with a sweet baby girl. I really can't think of what else I could ask for in life besides for her to be healthy. It seems like an impossible thing to have TWO perfect, healthy kids, a boy and a girl, but it seems to happen a lot so hopefully that is a blessing we will know :)

Anyway, I love how these turned out. Jen Herem did a fabulous job in less than ideal conditions. Being a photographer myself, I knew I was asking a difficult thing to shoot inside in such a small space with less than ideal lighting, but she made it happen! I really wanted these done at home to make them feel very comfortable and natural, and I think that's just what we got. I am happy we did it.

I love it. I love this incredible little space of time in my life. I love my absolutely wonderful husband, my perfect, adorable little toddler, my big, round belly, the sweet but wildly active baby girl inside, and the family we are together. Life is good.