Have the Layne's disappeared forever? Nope, we're still here. I know I have not blogged much lately and have been "sick" a lot so we have not been around much.
So here's the deal. I have debated whether to post this or not. Since I have decided to go ahead please note that this is NOT a plea for pity or anything pathetic like that. I simply want my friends and family informed so you dont ask me a question that I am not ready for and I burst into tears and we both feel crappy... now that I have it out there though I will be ready for it!
Some of you know and some dont that Jon and I have been trying to get pregnant for a couple of years and we have recently gone through a very complex form of InVitro and genetic testing, to try to get our little one... this requires a lot of time at the doctors office, having to be home early every night to do shots and several "sick" days. So on Feb. 10th the phone call that we have been waiting and waiting for finally came and unfortunately the news was not what we were hoping for. The test was positive, I was pregnant, but barely. My hormoes were very low (17... supposed to be over 100) and they said this was likely a miscarriage but possibly just a low level. They waited 2 more days to repeat the test and as we expected, we miscarried.
Yes we are very sad. It's a hard thing to go through all that and not get what you wanted so desperately, but we are not done... we will try again eventually. We are doing better now. We are VERY grateful for everyone that supported us, prayed for us, fasted for us and were just hoping for us. That is a big positive that we got out of this. We see how very lucky we are to have such great people in our lives. We really feel very blessed.
Now, please dont be scared of me girls... dont be scared to tell me you are pregnant or talk about your kids for fear of hurting my feelings. It makes me really happy to see and hear about the cuteness around me.
Ok, I feel better now... again, this is NOT for sympathy (I'm a little paranoid about everyone thinking that) but now that it's out there I am not so worried about being caught off guard and I will be ready to talk. Thanks again everyone for all your support and love, it was very much felt and very much appreciated.
P.S. fun, distracting activities are like morphine for me right now so if anyone is doing anything fun please fill me in!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Where have they been???
Posted by tracy layne at 1:31 PM
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24 comments:
I need to hook you up with my sister in law. She will fill you full of happiness and hope! They went through a lot of what you are going through, just hang in there because after all their "patient" waiting she is finally due with their first this June! It will happen Tracey! I love you to pieces and KNOW you will be an excellent mother, I wish I could hug you and squeeze you right now! but don't worry its not a sympathy hug its an "I miss you and you are amazing" hug! :D
I had no idea. I'm sorry for what you have been through. Don't be so paranoid about wanting to share and thinking we think you want more attention or something.
I get it! Totally, did not come off that way at all.
I can't imagine what a miscarraige is like.
Good for you for not giving up! You and Jon will be great parents whatever happens:)
I think a girls dinner/movie night is in order too. I could use a night out too:)
Thanks for sharing.
Tracy, I think you are amazing and I love you!! You are going to make a great mommy and I know that day will come for you, just be patient. Lets have a girls night and go see Confessions of a Shopaholic. :)
Someone's blog (in the ward) was linked to yours, and I snooped and it just so happens that you just barely posted this. I'm probably invading your privacy, but it turns out that your husband is my home teacher (I'm not sure why I never realized that the two of you belonged to each other...) and you used to teach Relief Society, so I feel like I know you. Whew - that was a long explanation of why I'm stalking you...sorry.
Bottom line is, I'm sorry it's been a struggle for you, we've been (sortof) on that same path, and there are entirely too many days that it just plain hurts. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
So sorry to hear--I can't imagine the disappointment you must feel! Not to mention the time and huge medical process you two have gone through. What a sacrifice!! Keep praying and miracles will happen.
We're always looking for good company... we should go do something with you guys, it would be fun to see you outside family gatherings and get to know you better! Especially since we're so close. It's a shame we haven't already.
Ohhh tracy! I wish you would have told me! (I understand though!) We will keep praying for you guys- it'll happen however and whenever it's supposed to and you guys will be the best parents ever! I want to give you a big HUG next time I see you- let's get together soon!! We love you guys!
Girl- As you know I think you are so great. I am so sad to hear that the pregnancy didn't work out this time. I really am so glad that you are doing okay though.
I know that your babies will come. Seriously, thanks for posting. I love you much and hope you know Lucy and I are always around and up for doing anything, anytime. See you soon.
Tracy and Jon- I am sorry to hear that the invetro and pregnancy did not work out. I know it must be so hard! I truly believe that it will happen for you! Keep praying and I know your baby will come! You two will make great parents! In the meantime, let's go shopping!!!
Love you Tracy! I am so sorry about the news, I hope you guys are doing okay!! I can't wait for you to get that baby here someday! You'll be awesome!
Tracey, you are such an amazing woman! Know that we love you guys and are thinking of you during this hard time...keep us posted :)
Tracy, thanks for sharing. You obviously have a ton of people who love you and now you'll just have a lot more people praying for you! I'm sure there are some little special spirits just desperate to get down to you guys because someday you'll make amazing parents!
Love You
Trac... I am so sorry that you guys are going through all of this! I am thinking and praying for you! I would love to be a distracting activity sometime soon. Are you free any of these next weekends? We should do something soon! Love ya!
Tracy- You are such a good friend.I hope now that this is out in the open you will find it easier to get through. I truly believe it will happen for you and Jon and when it does you will be GREAT parents.Have faith and keep your chin up. Love ya.
I hope I didn't catch you off guard at church today! Please know that we care for you and keep you in our prayers! Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you!
We love you guys. You're both amazing - thanks for sharing. You're in our prayers.
Tracy, you are a beautiful woman. Nothing is taken from us in this life, your little one just needed a body and you gave it to him. There is nothing more selfless, more noble than that. You are an amazing mother already. My prayers are with you. :)
could you sleep with someone or something please and have a freakin' kid!?! hahaha!
i love you! and no, just like you can't do that, neither can i. or i could, and that would most likely cause divorce, and then i wouldn't have to go anywhere... maybe i will think about that for a minute.
it does suck. and i think i can't stop crying. what's a girl to do. the things we do for "love" if that's what it is!
Hi Tracy!
I am so sorry you had to go though all of that. It doesn't seem fair! I have to say, though - you have such a great attitude, and that will take you so far!! Hang in there, we are praying for you guys!
WE love you guys! you will be great parents! all you need is a little time. We miss you!
I know that you aren't looking for sympathy, but I am sorry and I know that some way it will work out. I have a few friends that adopted and have had a great experience? But I know it isn't the same! My thought and prayers are with you two.
Next time you come to St. George I would love to get together, just last night we were talking about high school friends and I was saying I haven't seen you in a really long time.
We wish you the best in your attempts going forward. You will eventually receive the blessing you are looking for. In the meantime, are you planning any more trips out to the east coast? Dunkin has a Krueler (sp?) with your name on it.
Tracy, I almost started to cry when I read this post! You are amazing and deserve the best! We will keep you in are prayers!
I love you T! I am so impressed by your strength, you are a wonderful example of faith to all of us. I know you'll be blessed in the end for all of your patience and righteous desires. We're jumping on the prayer wagon for you :). I am in desperate need of playing as well, i'll give you a call. We can go frolic and play like old times.
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