Christmas and Floundering Mamma

Merry belated Christmas


Hope you all (all 4 of your that still read this blog) had a wonderful Christmas and are recovering from the craziness.

I had one of the if not THE best Christmases. I was in warm, sunny St. George. My entire family was together for the first time in a few years, Ollie was in some state of euphoria the entire time with so many cousins, nana's, papa's and friends to play with, Sophie was loved and adored by all who met her, I was overwhelmed (understatement) with generosity and I was very aware the whole time that my Savior, Jesus Christ loved me. Why else would he bless me with all of this? I love when Christmas falls on a Sunday. It always enhances the true meaning of the day when we take time to go to church and feel of that incredible spirit. A little time out from the craziness of gifts and food and fun.



In other news... I'm feeling kinda like this these days

Not physically, but mentally and emotionally.

The adjustment from 1 to 2 kids has proven FAR more difficult than I imagined (I am typing this one handed while holding a fussy Sophie while Ollie is glued to the iPad).

I guess I figured that I have done this before so doing it again would be no problem.
Wrong.

Sophie is a different baby than Ollie. She sleeps at night (yay!) but not in the day (boo). She nurses... constantly. Too much in fact because I cannot keep up with her demand. She is really not on any kind of schedule yet. It's just a whole different ball game with her. PLUS, lets not forget that Ollie Pop has needs too. I just feel like I cannot keep it all together most days. No time for anything but taking care of my babies. No time to get ready, no time to eat (which makes me make less milk which worsens the issue with feeding Sophie), no time to take care of my home besides an occasional load of dishes and laundry. Oi.

It's been a lot. Particularly feeding Sophie. It's so frustrating when I can't seem to keep up with her. I want to give her the very best I can and when I can't, I feel awful. I never realized how much pressure was on a woman when you are the source of your baby's nutrition. Ollie was formula fed his whole infancy and he has always been one of the healthiest kids I know, so why do I feel like dirt when I have to supplement Sophie with a little formula? I only started doing that a few days ago because I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Why?! Pressure.

I am not posting this for pity, it's just one of those things that makes me feel better if I get it off my chest. In talking with other Moms of two, it's made me feel better to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. Makes me feel like less of a failure because this seems to be the norm in most cases. I also realize that this whole situation will get better. It will get easier. I will get in a routine, I will figure this out and all will be well. Of that I am sure. I am also sure that there is absolutely NOTHING else I would rather be doing. It's unreal how much I love my kids. Ollie makes me laugh and smile and remember to play every single day. He melts my heart when I say "I love you" and he says "uff oo too (love you too)". He is the most charming little man I know. And Sophie makes me feel so content and happy when she is sleeping on my chest or is cuddled up in my arms. She is very close with heaven and I feel that when I have quiet moments with her and it's incredible. Plus she's just the cutest baby girl I have ever seen.

Bottom line is, my house is a mess, there are dishes and laundry and stuff everywhere, I am rarely dressed and hair/make-up is even more rare, my baby is not on a schedule yet and has formula now and then, BUT all will be well if I let it be. And I'm gonna try.

The past month

**Caution, don't read if you are easily grossed out**

What a ride this past month has been.


Our lives have been SO blessed to have little Sophie in our home. She is so sweet and happy and an AMAZING sleeper at night. Ollie didn't start sleeping through the night until he was one, so having baby girl sleeping so well this early was a very welcome surprise!


Ollie has been incredible. Seriously, he couldn't be doing better. I have not seen an ounce of jealousy in him, which really surprises me because I spend so much time feeding Sophie. But he usually just comes and hangs out in the nursery while I feed her and we sing songs and he plays with his toys. He's just the most incredible little boy. He LOVES Sophie and always lets me know when "Offie sad" and then promptly runs to her and tells her "it ok Offie". It just melts me heart to see him be so sweet with her.


It's been a really long month. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this to complain, because things could have been SO much worse and really, Sophie is completely and totally worth every single hardship. I would do it all again in an instant for her. But as much as I love having my two babies, I have really struggled to take care of them and our home because I have had such a difficult recovery since delivery. The first two weeks I was just in so much pain from tearing so badly and a long long labor. When that finally started to improve, I started hemorrhaging. It would happen with NO warning and I would be soaked down to my ankles in literally an instant. The first time it happened it scared me to death, I didn't know what was happening and I couldn't control the bleeding so we called 911 and they sent an ambulance. SO lucky Jon was home at the time. The ER couldn't find the source of the bleeding so we assumed it was a fluke thing. A few days later the same thing happened again, in my car, while I was driving, alone, on the freeway. Way fun. Now we knew something was clearly not right. I ended up getting another Ultrasound (they had done one at the ER and didn't see anything) and at that time they did see that there was something in my uterus and likely causing the bleeding. I had a D&C done the next day where they did find 2 large pieces of placenta that were the problem. They were removed and everything went fine. Today I am feeling better than I have in a long time and it feels soooo good.

Like I said, it's been a tough month, but I am so unbelievably grateful for all the family and friends that have helped me and my family through all of this. I have had so much help and support and it has meant the world to us. I hope I can repay you all someday.

We are really excited for me to be healthy again and to get to St. George for a wonderful Christmas with our families. Ollie is pretty much in heaven in St. George. Playing outside with all his cousins is his happy place. Can't wait to see the joy he will be overflowing with.