The Layne Pages

Keeping up appearances

2012-01-12T20:06:00.000-08:00

Like most new Momma's I know that have a new baby and a toddler or just a new baby, I don't get ready anymore.

I wear sweats or pajamas pretty much all day. I don't do my hair or make-up unless I HAVE to go out in public and by "doing hair and make-up" I mean putting my hair in a pony and throwing on lotion and mascara. Maybe a pair of jeans to make it look like I get dressed each day. Lies.

This seems to be the standard for most women in my blessed situation. Why take the time to get ready? I don't even HAVE the time to get ready. No one is going to see my anyway. Blah blah blah.

On Tuesday, I decided to fight the urge to clean house or nap when the kids actually napped at the same time, and take the time to get myself "ready". I showered, put some marakesh oil in my hair, blow dried, curled, the whole shebang. Then I did a little make-up (I am soooo bad at make-up, have no idea how to do it) and sprayed a little something lovely smelling on.

And something magic happened. I felt BETTER! I felt like my old self. The one who loved to look nice, clean, fresh. I remembered that I really love fashion. I love clothes and shoes and accessories and generally anything that is young and fun and especially something a little different than just a T-shirt and jeans. Not that there is anything wrong with T-shirts and jeans, heaven knows that's what I have been wearing on the days when I felt like I had to get dressed. But it really was a little magic. I was instantly in a good mood. I felt confident. I was excited for Jon to come home for reasons other than I would get a little help with the kiddos. I was excited for my kids to wake up so I could play with them. It was awesome.

Anyway, this experience has helped me understand a little better what it means when women say they "lose themselves" a little bit when they become Mommies. Not because they don't want to be Mommies, because they do, I do. I love being a Mommy and wouldn't trade my life for anything. Seriously not anything. BUT, I have started to feel a little lost. Like I didn't have any interest in myself anymore. It was all about taking care of babies, home, husband and my business. All things I love, but I was just missing myself on the list. I think I'm gonna try harder to put myself back on it. For real. I always agree when people say it's important to take time for yourself, but I never put that into practice because I didn't realize how true it really was.

SO. I vow to do better. I won't be perfect and I will still likely not get "ready" several days a week, but baby steps huh? Anyone else with me?

One down side to this renewed interest in fashion...
I wanna go shopping.

Christmas and Floundering Mamma

2011-12-29T10:23:00.000-08:00

Merry belated Christmas

Hope you all (all 4 of your that still read this blog) had a wonderful Christmas and are recovering from the craziness.

I had one of the if not THE best Christmases. I was in warm, sunny St. George. My entire family was together for the first time in a few years, Ollie was in some state of euphoria the entire time with so many cousins, nana's, papa's and friends to play with, Sophie was loved and adored by all who met her, I was overwhelmed (understatement) with generosity and I was very aware the whole time that my Savior, Jesus Christ loved me. Why else would he bless me with all of this? I love when Christmas falls on a Sunday. It always enhances the true meaning of the day when we take time to go to church and feel of that incredible spirit. A little time out from the craziness of gifts and food and fun.

In other news... I'm feeling kinda like this these days

Not physically, but mentally and emotionally.

The adjustment from 1 to 2 kids has proven FAR more difficult than I imagined (I am typing this one handed while holding a fussy Sophie while Ollie is glued to the iPad).

I guess I figured that I have done this before so doing it again would be no problem.
Wrong.

Sophie is a different baby than Ollie. She sleeps at night (yay!) but not in the day (boo). She nurses... constantly. Too much in fact because I cannot keep up with her demand. She is really not on any kind of schedule yet. It's just a whole different ball game with her. PLUS, lets not forget that Ollie Pop has needs too. I just feel like I cannot keep it all together most days. No time for anything but taking care of my babies. No time to get ready, no time to eat (which makes me make less milk which worsens the issue with feeding Sophie), no time to take care of my home besides an occasional load of dishes and laundry. Oi.

It's been a lot. Particularly feeding Sophie. It's so frustrating when I can't seem to keep up with her. I want to give her the very best I can and when I can't, I feel awful. I never realized how much pressure was on a woman when you are the source of your baby's nutrition. Ollie was formula fed his whole infancy and he has always been one of the healthiest kids I know, so why do I feel like dirt when I have to supplement Sophie with a little formula? I only started doing that a few days ago because I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Why?! Pressure.

I am not posting this for pity, it's just one of those things that makes me feel better if I get it off my chest. In talking with other Moms of two, it's made me feel better to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. Makes me feel like less of a failure because this seems to be the norm in most cases. I also realize that this whole situation will get better. It will get easier. I will get in a routine, I will figure this out and all will be well. Of that I am sure. I am also sure that there is absolutely NOTHING else I would rather be doing. It's unreal how much I love my kids. Ollie makes me laugh and smile and remember to play every single day. He melts my heart when I say "I love you" and he says "uff oo too (love you too)". He is the most charming little man I know. And Sophie makes me feel so content and happy when she is sleeping on my chest or is cuddled up in my arms. She is very close with heaven and I feel that when I have quiet moments with her and it's incredible. Plus she's just the cutest baby girl I have ever seen.

Bottom line is, my house is a mess, there are dishes and laundry and stuff everywhere, I am rarely dressed and hair/make-up is even more rare, my baby is not on a schedule yet and has formula now and then, BUT all will be well if I let it be. And I'm gonna try.

The past month

2011-12-16T19:30:00.000-08:00

**Caution, don't read if you are easily grossed out**

What a ride this past month has been.

Our lives have been SO blessed to have little Sophie in our home. She is so sweet and happy and an AMAZING sleeper at night. Ollie didn't start sleeping through the night until he was one, so having baby girl sleeping so well this early was a very welcome surprise!

Ollie has been incredible. Seriously, he couldn't be doing better. I have not seen an ounce of jealousy in him, which really surprises me because I spend so much time feeding Sophie. But he usually just comes and hangs out in the nursery while I feed her and we sing songs and he plays with his toys. He's just the most incredible little boy. He LOVES Sophie and always lets me know when "Offie sad" and then promptly runs to her and tells her "it ok Offie". It just melts me heart to see him be so sweet with her.

It's been a really long month. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this to complain, because things could have been SO much worse and really, Sophie is completely and totally worth every single hardship. I would do it all again in an instant for her. But as much as I love having my two babies, I have really struggled to take care of them and our home because I have had such a difficult recovery since delivery. The first two weeks I was just in so much pain from tearing so badly and a long long labor. When that finally started to improve, I started hemorrhaging. It would happen with NO warning and I would be soaked down to my ankles in literally an instant. The first time it happened it scared me to death, I didn't know what was happening and I couldn't control the bleeding so we called 911 and they sent an ambulance. SO lucky Jon was home at the time. The ER couldn't find the source of the bleeding so we assumed it was a fluke thing. A few days later the same thing happened again, in my car, while I was driving, alone, on the freeway. Way fun. Now we knew something was clearly not right. I ended up getting another Ultrasound (they had done one at the ER and didn't see anything) and at that time they did see that there was something in my uterus and likely causing the bleeding. I had a D&C done the next day where they did find 2 large pieces of placenta that were the problem. They were removed and everything went fine. Today I am feeling better than I have in a long time and it feels soooo good.

Like I said, it's been a tough month, but I am so unbelievably grateful for all the family and friends that have helped me and my family through all of this. I have had so much help and support and it has meant the world to us. I hope I can repay you all someday.

We are really excited for me to be healthy again and to get to St. George for a wonderful Christmas with our families. Ollie is pretty much in heaven in St. George. Playing outside with all his cousins is his happy place. Can't wait to see the joy he will be overflowing with.

She's here

2011-11-23T14:44:00.000-08:00

Hello world.

This is Sophie.

She's our baby girl... holy cow, I still can't even believe it. I can't believe she is here and she is ours.

The journey getting her here was not what I expected for sure. But she is oh so worth it. Every bit of it.

I was admitted to Labor and Delivery on Sunday the 13th to begin my induction because of high blood pressure. I was started on a medication to try and get my body a little more ready for labor right away. What I understood of this medication was that it would simply soften things up to get ready for the labor inducing Pitocin. I anticipated a very uneventful evening and the labor to start on Monday when they started the Pitocin, and so I sent Jon to work that night to wrap up his project so he could take the rest of the week off. A few hours later, I was bawling my eyes out in pain with back to back, non-stop contractions. The doctors and nurses were all very thrown off by my reaction to the medication and suggested I get the epidural that night which I gladly accepted. Thank heavens for that stuff.

It was a long night, and a long day Monday. After 25 hours in labor, and then 1 hour of pushing, our perfect little girl was born. She was 6lbs. 6oz. and measured at 20 inches long, although she was re-measured later and was 19 inches long, which I think was more accurate.

It was overwhelming in so many ways it's just so hard to describe. I was in a lot of pain, even with the epidural, and baby girl was not kind to my body, lets just say she left her mark. But seeing her and hearing her cry was indescribable. I was sobbing. SOBBING. Just like when Ollie was born.

She was having a little trouble breathing but was quickly taken care of and in my arms. I didn't hold her long because I was so weak, so I passed her to her Daddy and watched the sweetest Daddy- Daughter meeting ever.

My recovery since has been hard. Really hard. Nothing like what I was prepared for. Thank heavens for my husband and Mom who have taken care of EVERYTHING while I have been a useless mess.

Ollie has been really good with his new sister. He was really excited when he first met her and has since shown little interest in her. I don't blame him. She doesn't do much so she's pretty un-amusing to 2-year-old. Speaking of, Ollie turned TWO!! We were all so crazy with Sophie's arrival and Ollie was so sick, so his actual birthday was pretty lame, but he seemed pretty content with a small birthday cake and a new train set. Can't believe my baby boy is two. He looks like a giant next to his baby sister who is the same size he was when he was born.

There is so much to the whole story but I think that's probably enough for now. We are just SO SO happy our girl is here and SO grateful that she is healthy and seemingly perfect. I just can't believe we have these two incredible kids. I can't believe we are a family of 4.

Here comes baby!

2011-11-12T10:28:00.001-08:00

Wow... what a week it has been.

My pregnancy has gone so well. I have been really lucky to have such a healthy and smooth pregnancy. Minimal morning sickness, normal weight gain, everything has been right on track.

Well, starting on Tuesday things took a little change. I felt fine as I went in to see my Doctor for a regular visit but to our surprise my BP was very high. So I was sent to Labor and Delivery and told that if it didn't come down, they would induce me that day (yikes!). Thankfully, my pressure went down and all my labs were normal so I was sent on home.

Long story short, Wednesday and Thursday went about the same. Each time I came to follow up with my Doctor, my BP was high, higher each day in fact and so each day she sent me back to Labor and Delivery where my BP would almost immediately come down. Weird.

I do not have pre-eclampsia, just high blood pressure, but it's enough that my Doctor is not comfortable with me staying pregnant, and so, Sunday, my 37 week mark, is the day! I will go to the hospital Sunday evening for some "preparatory medication" and they will start Pitocin on Monday morning. My body at last check was not at all ready for labor and so I anticipate a very slow, long process on Monday before our sweet baby girl makes her big entrance.

I can't believe this is happening... I was supposed to have another month, I had plans! I guess our little princess has plans of her own though.

I am SO beyond excited to finally meet her, hold her, kiss her, to see her with her big brother, to see his reaction to her. SO excited for all of that! I'm just hoping and praying that she is a healthy girl. She will be full term and I know that she will be ok, but didn't you just worry like crazy that your baby wouldn't be healthy?? Is that just me? It just seems like no one could be so lucky as to have TWO children in perfect health, but that seems to be the norm. I just can't wait to hear her cry.

Funny, Jon took this picture just before I was leaving for my Doctor appointment and I said "I hope this is the LAST one of these we have to do!". Meaning, I have been taking these pictures about every 6 weeks and I hoped I would not go 2 weeks over my due date, I didn't mean she needed to come out NOW.

Anyway though, here we are, weeks 30 & 36

I look weird in that picture... my face is doing something funny.

Anyway, I am home on strict bedrest until Sunday to try and keep my blood pressure down. My family and friends have been angels taking care of Ollie but I am REALLY missing him. I feel so sad that I am on bedrest and can't do all the fun things with him that I wanted to do before this baby came. I had all these plans, and now I am stuck being a boring bump on a log momma. :(
I am so so sad that I can't really take advantage of these last few days of just Ollie. I know I will still have time with just the two of us, so I am trying to remember that another baby doesn't replace my Ollie, and doesn't mean I can't spend time with just him. I just wish I could do more with him now.

I guess the next post you see here will be of baby girl... that's crazy.
Wish us luck!!!

Hoot Hoot

2011-11-01T08:54:00.000-07:00

This Halloween was SO much fun.

Last year, Ollie was just too little and had no idea what was going on. This year, he got it. Wear the costume, say "tee to teet" and you get candy. Easy as that.

I was also very proud of my little non-sewer self for making my little hoot's costume this year. Sewing is not one of my skills and I didn't use a pattern, but I was happy with the outcome.

"hoot hoot"

I love the above left picture, that's ollie's cheeser underbite grin and I find it so goofy and adorable.

I had a very busy day on Halloween and took no time whatsoever getting myself together so I look like a bit of a hag, but I had to have a picture of myself with the cute "pumpkin smuggler" shirt my mom found for me. It was oh so appropriate. What else can a 9 month pregnant lady be on Halloween?

Anyway, it was a really fun night watching my little buddy and his friends have so much fun. It's amazing how happy it makes you feel to see your kid happy.

A happy time

2011-10-27T16:10:00.001-07:00

So, Jon and I decided to have some little family/maternity pictures taken a few weeks ago. At the time, I would have rather had a fork stuck in my eye than have photos taken of myself, but Jon kept telling me I would regret it if I didn't have any pictures of this really amazing time in our lives and eventually, I agreed.

My vain, girly mind could point out all kinds of flaws and unflattering features, but my better side is prevailing and saying these are beautiful. They really are. This has been an incredible blessing in our family to have this opportunity to be pregnant and with a sweet baby girl. I really can't think of what else I could ask for in life besides for her to be healthy. It seems like an impossible thing to have TWO perfect, healthy kids, a boy and a girl, but it seems to happen a lot so hopefully that is a blessing we will know :)

Anyway, I love how these turned out. Jen Herem did a fabulous job in less than ideal conditions. Being a photographer myself, I knew I was asking a difficult thing to shoot inside in such a small space with less than ideal lighting, but she made it happen! I really wanted these done at home to make them feel very comfortable and natural, and I think that's just what we got. I am happy we did it.

I love it. I love this incredible little space of time in my life. I love my absolutely wonderful husband, my perfect, adorable little toddler, my big, round belly, the sweet but wildly active baby girl inside, and the family we are together. Life is good.

How does he know??

2011-10-14T20:25:00.000-07:00

I have the greatest little boy on the planet.

How did I ever become so blessed to be his Mommy?? I think I will wonder that for all eternity.

I am just in awe at the heart my little man has. He is two. He is wild and crazy and throws tantrums and fits and gets into trouble, but at the same time, he is SO incredibly in tune to his Momma's feelings lately.

I have been sick a couple of times in the last couple of months. Once with a yucky cold, and just yesterday/today with some awful stomach bug. It's really tough being sick when you are pregnant and especially when your hubby isn't home and your family lives far away. Thank heavens for my friends... I honestly do not know what I would do without the incredible friends and neighbors I have here. I rely on them SO much and every single time I am in need of help, someone is there. I am so so lucky.
Anyway, though, Ollie. In the midst of his wild 2-year-oldness, each time I have become sick, he has instantly gone on his best and most adorable behavior. He knows. He knows I am sick, he knows I need him to be good, and he does it. He seriously does. He is patient and happy helps me more than he understands and I just don't know how he knows to do that?!

Example #2.
A couple weeks ago, my good friend and I were sitting on the floor at my house, having a very sad cry over some really awful trials she was facing in her life. We were both so sad, and Ollie saw. He walked up to me, looking very concerned, and I said "It's ok buddy, Momma is just sad, it's ok" and without missing a beat he said "uck?" (hug in Ollie language) and walked right up to me giving me a great big hug followed by a great big kiss. He then immediately turned to my friend and did the very same thing. No prompting, no asking, he just did it.
He just knew.
I don't think there is any better medicine on the earth.

That's how I know my little boy has an exceptional heart. I hope he reads this some day when he is older and realizes how much it meant to me that he did that.

In other, less sappy news, Ollie has graduated to his new big boy bed! I can't even tell you how shocked I am at how well he transitioned. He was busting out of his crib about 10 times a night and so I couldn't even imagine what he would do with a bed that was EASY to get out of, but it seems that the freedom was just what he wanted. He still gets out of bed almost nightly, but FAR less than with his crib. He loves his bed! Even when he falls out of it at night, he still wants his bed and wants nothing to do with a crib.
What a BIG boy he is! I'm so proud :)

excuse the poor quality pictures... they are from my phone :)

30 weeks

2011-09-25T13:20:00.000-07:00

Hello again friends

Well, here we are, 30 weeks!

weeks 24 and 30

The month of September seems to have slipped right by when I wasn't looking. Fall is always a very busy time for me with my photography and so I am certain October and November are going to fly by just as fast, if not faster and before I know it, baby girl is going to be in my arms instead of my ribcage. That's scary... and exciting!

Pregnancy is going well overall. It's definitely not quite as rosy as it was in my second trimester... lots of back pain, swelling and not much sleeping without the help of Tylenol PM. I've been quite whiney in the past few weeks actually... sorry if you are a friend or family member who's had to listen to it :)

I am so happy that this baby is growing healthy and strong. She should be around 3lbs now and just packing on the weight day by day. She is still VERY active. It's really fun to sit and watch my belly while she is doing her gymnastics in there. Jon gets a kick out of it too... I love to watch his face when he is watching my belly or when he is poking her and waiting for her to kick back. His eyes get real big and he just smiles. This little girl has him right where she wants him.

Overall, life is good. My family has received some huge blessings recently and I feel so grateful and so happy with my life right now. Ollie has been SUCH a good boy, he's so sweet and charming and adorable. I have been sick the past few days and he has been nothing but patient as Mommy was a total bump on a log. Oh I love him. Don't know what else I could possibly ask for. All is well.

Ollie wanted a bump picture too... Here is his sweet little bump at 22 months. :)

Boys will be boys

2011-09-02T11:54:00.000-07:00

Have you taken your kids to your local fire station? If not, you should.
My good friend, Elise, told me you could take your kids over there just about any time for a little tour, so we finally did it. What a fun thing to do! The boys were indeed in little boy heaven with all the trucks and lights and gear. The firemen were so great and I'm pretty sure they were excited to have some cute little kiddos to play with for a bit.

Anyway, put this on your list of fun things to do this summer.

What a little stud.

Terrible two's and 24 weeks

2011-08-14T17:10:00.000-07:00

Hello friends.

Are you all having a lovely summer? I am.

It's been lovely, but exhausting to be honest. We have had so many fun things to do and Ollie has had so much fun with his friends, cousins, grandparents and family. It really has been so fun to just watch him soak it all in.

However, there is a down side to having so much fun. My little almost two year old seems to think that the rules no longer apply, sleep is no longer necessary and fits will get you anything your little heart desires. Oi. I love my little man more than anything in this world, but this terrible two thing is wearing this big pregnant lady out. I hope things calm down before baby girl gets here. Actually, I hope they calm down tonight :)

I thought I would post this picture of the Pops because this boy NEVER falls asleep anywhere but his bed or the car. But today, he decided he didn't need a nap before or after church, which has NEVER happened before, and finally, around 6, he crashed watching TV with Dad.

And the belly...

Oh the belly. I hadn't taken a new bump picture for a few weeks and I really didn't think there was THAT much change... and then I saw this...

Weeks 18 and 24

Eeeeeeeek!

I think my baby is growing in a sideways oval shape or a triangle.
I am large.
Wow.

Other than that though, things are going well. I still feel quite good but I am starting to swell. Probably from the heat and all the traveling I have done in the past few weeks. Cankles and sausage fingers not so funny when they are on YOUR feet and hands.

Still, things are going well and I am really happy that our baby girl is growing healthy and strong. I'm trying really hard to remember that when I get overwhelmed with how big I am getting and the swelling comes. I said over and over again before I was pregnant, that I would GLADLY gain the weight, endure the morning sickness, put up with the swelling and pain and whatever else came if it meant I could be pregnant. I forget that sometimes, but every time I feel her kick or squirm in my belly, I am reminded how much I LOVE being pregnant and getting to experience all of this, even the not so fun stuff. It's still a miracle and an absolute gift to be able to carry this little one.

Something NEW and EXCITING!

2011-08-04T09:01:00.000-07:00

I have been working SO hard on this new project and I'm so excited to share my new website and new vision with you all!

Head on over to

to enter the "STYLE MY KID" contest!!
Trust me you don't want to miss out on this one!

bumpin'

2011-07-03T16:02:00.000-07:00

I think it's official... I look pregnant. :)

This is week 13 and week 18. I must admit, I am a lot happier at 18 weeks than I was at 13. I feel like it's pretty obvious that this is a baby bump now and I am lovin' it.
I really was pretty whiney for the first little while because of my weight gain and how I felt I looked, and now, I'm just enjoying it :) I love that people I don't know ask how far along I am, or that people are giving my bump a little pat every now and then. I really do love it. It makes me happy.

Baby girl is doing great! She is a mover and a shaker that's for sure. Feeling her move is THE coolest thing. I absolutely love it. The doctors have all told me (I have had like 7 ultrasounds so far... lucky me!) that I would probably feel her early because of how active she was at each appointment and they were right! I hesitate to say it, because I know a lot of people will say I was just imagining, but I am more sure now than ever that I started feeling this little one around 14 weeks. I wasn't completely sure at the time, but now that I feel her regularly, I recognize that what I felt so early at 14 weeks was the very same thing I feel now, it was just more subtle and soft. She certainly isn't kicking hard enough to cause any discomfort now, but there is no question when she is kicking and when she is just moving around. She's doing it right now actually. :) It's just amazing. I could really sit and just feel her move all day. I love feeling this and knowing that she is ok. It's the most comforting, happy thing. I can't wait for Jon to be able to feel her move too.

I like being pregnant :)

Losing it

2011-06-29T19:43:00.001-07:00

I've noticed that with this pregnancy that my patience is really short. If Ollie is being naughty (he's a toddler... he's supposed to be naughty) I find myself loosing my cool so quickly and at the end of every day I feel so bad about it.
I love him so dang much. Good or naughty, sleeping well or not, happy or sad, I love my boy with all I have and I really need to remember that in those times when my patience is tested.
He is my everything.
He makes me smile and laugh every single day.
He fills me with SO much love when he gives me hugs and kisses.
And our days of "just us" are coming to an end this year, so I am vowing now to do better and not waste any of my precious time with him being mad at him because he keeps hiding the TV remote. :)

My most handsome little dude at 19 months.

One of my favorite things about being a photographer is that I get to capture so much of Ollie's life. All his little ages and stages and the things that make him happy, like the pictures in the white shirt where his face is covered in chocolate, he is in dirty pajamas, running outside in the wind with his truck in hand. He was having so much fun just running around like a little maniac and I never wanna forget those moments.

PS These pictures are much cuter if you click on them to enlarge them :)

The verdict

2011-06-13T19:57:00.000-07:00

So....

Jon and I decided to be spontaneous today and sneak in for an early ultrasound to confirm that baby Layne was indeed a boy
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but surprise...

Holy shocker.

I knew this was a boy from the very beginning. I KNEW. There was not even a tiny piece of me that thought we had a girl coming.

When the ultrasound lady said it was a girl I just started crying and laughing. I was in such complete shock. I kept asking if she was SURE. And she just laughed and said this little girl is showing it all, no reservations. It's a girl.
She checked like 7 more times... and each time, our little princess was happy to show us that she was NOT a boy. It was like she did it on purpose and wanted to make sure that Mommy stopped calling her a boy and wanted to rub it in my face a bit.
What a stinker.

We could not possibly be happier. I would have been completely thrilled with a boy or girl, didn't matter one tiny bit, but I just knew it was a boy. Apparently my "mothers intuition" is a little thrown off... we'll blame it on the pregnancy. :)

We are so so excited.
Can't wait to meet you baby girl!

P.S. funny little story. Last night, Ollie was being especially adorable, and I told Jon I was a little nervous because I KNEW that there was no way this baby could be as cute and adorable and charming as Ollie and I felt bad... but now that it's a girl, you really can't compare a boy vs a girl so we are good :)

Haircut trauma

2011-06-08T20:11:00.000-07:00

The time finally came...

the time when too many people were confusing Ollie for a girl because of his long, curly, beautiful locks, and it was time for his first haircut.

This was so bittersweet. I LOVE Ollie's hair. His little curly ringlets always made me smile. But it was SO long that it was just a total mess most of the time and it was looking quite girly.

It was a traumatic experience for my little man, and looking at these pictures, I feel like such an awful Momma for taking pictures instead of trying to console him... but the pictures are so priceless.

Here we are before, long, wild, out of control hair (but still oh so adorable)

Here's what we rigged up to try and saddle the boy, and the first few cuts, which clearly Ollie was NOT a fan of.

But nothing a binkie won't fix

And after, still curly and a little wild, but more tame and definitely more manly :)

Ollie was NOT a fan of Bevin after all of this...

Thank you Auntie Bevo! I'm sure Ollie has forgotten all about your tortures and loves you all the same. :)

My baby looks so grown up with his big boy haircut and I find myself looking and his hair and longing for those long curls in the back... but still, he looks so handsome.

Well hello there

2011-05-18T18:11:00.001-07:00

Baby Layne wanted to say hello.

Here he is at 11 weeks and 3 days,
waving to his (yes I think it's a boy) adoring public. Look at that tiny, adorable little hand and that perfect little face!

And this is how he spent most of his ultrasound... bend down...

and spring up!!

He was jumping up and down, waving his arms, all over the place. Both nurses said they didn't think they had ever seen a baby at this age be THIS active. He would not hold still... it was the most adorable and amazing thing. They said if he keeps this up I will be feeling him move in the next 4 weeks or so. Cannot wait for that!!!

I am more convinced than ever that this is a boy...
What to you think? Take the poll at the top of our blog.

Apparently...

2011-05-07T11:25:00.001-07:00

Cats outta the bag and our little family secret is not such a secret these days...

When people started to approach us about this I was so surprised that word had gotten out so far, but Jon put it well... "Good news travels fast".

SO

We are VERY pleased to announce that Ollie Pop, is now

We are havin' a baby!!

It's so surreal to say those words... and to say that I am pregnant.
That was not in the plan. That was not going to happen for us... not for a long time, if ever.
To say we are thrilled out of our minds and unbelievably grateful is an understatement by a long way.
We started working with the fertility team again at the first of the year, and they found a way... we found a way, and we are pregnant :)

I just love saying that!

I am currently 10 weeks along. Yes, we know this is a bit soon to go public with the news, but word had spread so much we decided there was no point in hiding. Plus, the pace I am already gaining weight leaves me little room for hiding.

We have had two ultrasounds so far and heard/saw a healthy baby and heartbeat at both.
The most recent was on Thursday and I don't know how else to describe it but just magic. I had no idea that this early in pregnancy that there was a real live baby in there... like wiggling, waving, smiling (at least I like to think he was smiling) adorable little baby. And seeing that was such an overwhelming feeling. GRATITUDE, JOY, BLISS, RELIEF, JOY, JOY, JOY.

We are still just in shock that this is actually happening to us... and so soon!
I am due December 4th so baby Layne and Ollie will be almost exactly 2 years apart. This both excites me and scares me. I love Ollie so much, and I love our life with just him, I love spending my days with just him. He's my little buddy, my shadow, my world, and part of me is just not ready to share him. But the other part of me is excited for the years to come and for Ollie to have someone to play with and grow with and get into trouble with.
It will be good.
Life is good.
Our Father in heaven is so very kind and good and I feel so honored that he has trusted me with this gift. I really just feel so honored that I get to do this. That I get to experience a new way of becoming a Mommy. Holy cow, I am happy.

Like Family

2011-04-29T17:08:00.001-07:00

These people... they are family.
I have been so fortunate to make so many wonderful friends and neighbors here the past 5-6 years, but this particular bunch, have a very special place with me.

We all met the first year we moved here. None of us had kids, we were all newlyweds, and I am pretty sure, this was all our first time being homeowners. We were all starting such a new and exciting phase in our lives and for me, it was a bit of an overwhelming time of adjustment in moving away from my home and family in St George. I was pretty homesick... and these people changed that.

It started with dinners and game nights that kept us all up laughing our heads off until the wee hours of the night or morning. Now, we all have kids and bedtimes, but we manage to have just as much fun, just in different ways. :)

I have really grown to rely on and love them all. They have completely been there for me when I needed family. And now, as so many are moving away and starting new chapters in their lives I can't help but feel sad. They are not moving far away, but far enough that things will never be quite the same and I'm really going to miss that. I'm really going to miss them.

Thank you all for being the greatest friends I could ever hope for. See you soon?? Right??

16 months

2011-04-04T07:51:00.000-07:00

Man, without my monthly Ollie shoots I have been really slacking on the ol' blog. I really need to keep it up, it's such a great journal so I am gonna try real hard to do better!

Ollie at 16 months... he is a wild man. This boy scares me... he has NO fear. No reservations. He just goes for it.

While I admire his courage, it also freaks me right out. He would walk straight off a cliff if I wasn't there to stop him. He is my little daredevil. Even the park is a scary place sometimes because he will just walk right on down a slide or a ledge and tumble all the way down. Eek. I fear broken bones are in this boys future.

Other than that, he is completely adorable and wonderful and my little buddy. I LOVE spending my days with him. I love when he picks up a book, brings it to me, and turns around and backs up to plop on my lap. I love when he laughs at himself. I love when he shows off when people are around. I just love him.

I also kind of love meal time... he is so funny about eating. He is happy, he is sad, he is confused. Also, when it comes to food, this is the only time he shows caution... when I try to give him something to eat... he has to carefully stare and study it before he will put it in his mouth. Go figure. Here is what it generally looks like...

This is the face he gives me when I present the new food... everytime.

ok... I can try that

success!!

Or perhaps not...

Or, maybe it's ok...

Who knows. This boy is all over the place... and I adore it. I adore him.

Cowboys and Cupcakes

2011-03-11T08:41:00.000-08:00

My first little niece ever, Allie, had her birthday party this weekend in St. George. It was so stinkin' adorable I couldn't help but get a little snap happy with my camera. They had everything...

ridin'

prizes

The birthday girl, rodeo queen, miss Allie cat

horses and ropin'

Of course my little guy had to dress the part... what a studly little cowboy I have.

Checking for eggs...

more ropin'

Breezy, Allie and their pretty Mamma, Sharla

adorable decor

villains...

good food

Oh so much fun!! Sharla always says her parties will be "no big deal". I beg to differ. It was a perfect afternoon and a very happy 8th birthday for my Allie! Love you all, thanks so much for letting us come to your big day!

Love

2011-02-14T11:36:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentines Day friends

A laugh

2011-02-13T09:11:00.000-08:00

This is from the early fall last year and I just found it...
and I can't stop laughing at myself.

So have a laugh, on me :)

(you need sound for this)

I was about 1/2 an inch from running into that tree and falling down the mountain.
I am a dork.
This is proof.

Private

2011-01-26T17:25:00.000-08:00

So sorry friends... due to a lot of hits on my blog from places like Nigeria where I do not know a soul, I have decided to make the ol' blog private. I hate to do that because I like for ALL my friends and family and friends of friends and friends of family or whoever has any kind of connection with me to be able to see it, SO, if you ever read my blog and you would like to continue, please leave your name and email address so I can add you! :)

Thanks all!

Here's a picture of my handsome little dude
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Oh sorry, that's my big handsome dude with a creepy look on his face.
Just as good :)

Ollie walks

2010-12-29T14:23:00.000-08:00

I guess you are supposed to let people know when your kid does this...

So there ya go. He walks. It's adorable. It's trouble.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-23T11:36:00.001-08:00

Christmas day will no doubt be a whirlwind so I thought I would post this now.

I'm so excited for Christmas this year. So excited to spend time with my family. SO grateful for my family. This last year as been by far the best year of my life. I have never felt so much joy and happiness and content in all my life. I'm just so happy. And to thank for it all... the man we are celebrating this Christmas season. My Savior. Without whom, I would have none of the things that make me so happy. I'm so grateful for him. For his birth. For his sacrifice for me and for you. For his absolutely endless love.

Have a great holiday everyone!

Binky Blankee Boy

2010-12-22T15:36:00.001-08:00

I really want to start recording all of the funny little things Ollie does. So I'm gonna. This will probably not entertain anyone else but me, but that's ok.

Ollie loves his binky and his blankee. A lot.

Every day, at some point, I will be busy doing something and Ollie will sneak into his room and when I find him, he has his blankee and his binky in hand (or mouth), and he is happy. He thinks he is so smart and clever because he figured out how to get them out of his crib without me. Sometimes I think he really is pretty smart because I'm not sure how he gets them sometimes when the bink seems to me to be out of reach... sneaky sneaky.

Anyway, when he gets his treasures, he put the bink in his mouth and snuggles his blankee and it's just so cute... it usually looks something like this

(he is cuddling... not crying)

or this

or both.

See. Not that entertaining huh? But that's my boy, and he entertains me :) I love him.

GREAT giveaway at Laura Winslow Photography

2010-12-04T09:16:00.001-08:00

Holy smokes, so many great vendors, I want them all. Check it out!

http://laurawinslowphotography.com/blog/2010/11/29/over-2000-59-shops-1-winner-the-huge-fabulous-holiday-giveaway-my-fave-things-scottsdale-photographer/

1 YEAR

2010-11-20T20:00:00.000-08:00

Oh boy... it happened.

This day happened. This day, that we celebrated 1 year since our sweet little Oliver finally made his grand entrance into this world.

Can I believe it? Not really. Am I happy? Oh yes. Crying? check.

My mind has been flooded with thoughts from what my life was like 1 year ago. Where I was. What I was feeling. What was happening. Yesterday, I was taken back to one year ago on November 20th. I was driving to St. George again (we had been back and forth for a few weeks as we anxiously awaited Oliver's debut). I remember VIVIDLY at that time thinking and praying that this trip would be the last time I would have to go back to SLC without my son. I was so desperate to meet him, to hold him and let him feel how much I loved him.
I was SO, SO ready.
I also remember vividly feeling a kind of fear that I have never felt before. A fear that "what if something went wrong". I loved him so fiercely before he was born, that I felt as though I had been carrying him all along, and the thought of him not coming home with me was a kind of fear I just can't describe with words. It's hard for me to even think about to this day. Yet, through all the fear, I felt a peace... which much like the fear, is hard to describe.
I knew he was mine.
I knew that was the plan all along.
I knew it was right.
I knew it would be ok.

And then, he came.

It all happened so incredibly fast... I was in shock. Literally. I just stood there shaking and crying, I didn't know what to do. I just watched him. Watched the nurses clean him up and make sure he was healthy, and as I was watching, one of the nurses literally grabbed my arm, pulled me towards him, pushed another nurse out of the way, and put my hand on him... yet another moment that I just can't describe. I sat there surrounded by medical personnel, holding my baby's hand, and everyone else disappeared. And in that instant, I knew he was mine and he knew I was his.
I am so grateful to that nurse for snapping me out of my state of shock so I could have that moment with him. SO grateful. It was magic.

And my life has never been the same since. And I am so glad.
I have never felt so happy. So at peace.
The past year has by far been the best of my life. More joy, more laughs, more love, more smiles than any other time. I could not possibly be any more blessed.

Oliver,
Mom and Dad love you so much. So much more than you will be able to understand until the day you become a Daddy. You are perfect to us. We will be grateful to you for all eternity for picking us to be your parents. Thank you for your great big smiles, for your kisses, for how happy you are every day, for your funny faces you make, for how excited you get to see us in the morning, for being THE BEST boy we could have ever hoped for. For everything.

We love you buddy bear.

NOW

On to the really fun stuff.... the pictures :)
Here are a few from his party.

BIG thank you to my long time best friend Bevin for working ALL day to help me get this all ready and for making that ADORABLE cake.
Ollie is scared of cakes... more on this in a sec.
These boots... oh I love these boots. And that picture on the left... that is Ollie's stink face. It is the funniest thing. I love it so much.
Before I had Ollie, I had this dream in my head of my first child's first birthday. How the party would be and what kind of pictures I would do. The party, went exactly as I had always hoped. The pictures..... not quite.
Apparently, Oliver is deathly afraid of cake. Or at least touching cake. I know he likes to eat cake because I had him practice with a little tester the day before.
But don't make him touch the cake or sit near the cake.
Here is a little smidgen of how the shoot went:

Oliver is only smiling for about 15 seconds while Jon was jumping up and down trying to get him to stop crying...
He doesn't like cakes. He doesn't like when you try to force him to touch cakes. He doesn't like it at all.

I was so sad I couldn't get any pictures of him with his hands all digging in to his cake and shoveling in his mouth like I had planned. But that's my boy :) Who knows what he will do. I still love him and these pictures will always be priceless for me.

Thank you to everyone that came to help us celebrate this great little boy. He was so spoiled. He is so lucky to have so many great family and friends that love him. :) Thank you.

Our Halloween Stinker

2010-11-03T19:17:00.000-07:00

Halloween is SO much more fun with kids. The festivities went on and on!

First up was our Murder Mystery party. Jon was Ernie G. Ambler, a wealthy gambling man, and I was Silky M. Adam, a.... well, a madam apparently and a MURDERER in the end. And Ollie was just adorable. :)

We also had a HalloWING party. A variety of delicious wing recipes to choose from and good friends to share them with. Can't really go wrong there.

But the BEST part of Halloween for me was Ollie's long awaited Skunk costume.

My oh so talented Mom made this. She's amazing and it was THE cutest costume I have ever seen. Ollie was the perfect age to be a little skunk because he is crawling all over the place and so he totally looks the part. Endless entertainment for me watching him roam around.

And this is his best evil skunk face.

I meant to grab my camera and take some good pictures of Ollie in his costume but didn't get a chance yet... maybe later. These snapshots will have to do for now.

Hope your Halloween was fun and safe! Let the Holidays BEGIN!

11 Months

2010-10-24T15:58:00.001-07:00

4 teeth later and we are at 11 months.

Last month as a "months" baby. 1 YEAR right around the corner.
I'm having anxiety about this. Lot's of it.
I mean, he's my baby... my BABY boy. He's just a baby... right? RIGHT?!

Breathe Tracy, breathe.

Here is the little stud this month in all his adorable glory. I think he is the cutest thing on planet earth.

He reminds me SO much of his Grandpa Layne in this picture... Same laugh, same smile, I love it. Plus look at those adorable chompers.

Oh I love him. He has such personality. So many expressions, so many funny/cute faces. So much fun. :)

We will have some great Halloween pictures coming soon with his murder mystery outfit and his little stinker costume grama barb is making!
Stay tuned.

Yes please...

2010-10-06T22:15:00.000-07:00

Oh how happy it would make me to win THIS amazing giveaway with Crave Photography

10 months

2010-09-24T09:32:00.001-07:00

10 months

2 months away from 1 year... yikes.

Little Ollie is doing wonderful. He had a lot of stuff go down over the past month. Cutting his first tooth (way fun). Learning to walk (with assistance) and never wanting us to stop walking with him. Learning to pull himself up, climb stairs, break Mommy's pretty centerpieces on the kitchen table, all that fun stuff!

As scary as it's been to see him learn so much and grow so fast in such a short time, it's also been so stinkin' fun. I love the look he gets in his face when he is doing one of his knew tricks and he just looks at me like "Mom, are you seeing this?? Look what I can do!". It's completely adorable.

Love you Poppy... 2 more months till birthday time!!

A fond farewell...

2010-09-15T20:42:00.000-07:00

to summer.

Jon, Ollie and I had such a wonderful, fun summer this year. It felt so carefree. I felt like I had everything in the world. I really could not have been happier. Where as the past few summers prior, though fun, were always missing something very important.
Oliver.

Oh how I loved sharing a fun summer with my husband and my baby boy. Watching Ollie do the fun summer activities that I have always enjoyed so much, brought even more joy and more fun to everything. I loved every minute of it.

There are exactly 105 summer pictures (that is after I narrowed it WAY down) that I have on my computer. I will not force you to look at that many. But here are a few.

Here is Ollie, VERY excited to see grandma and grandpa great.

And some from Lake Powell.

I know it looks like he doesn't like me slobbering all over him but I assure you, he does.

Daddy and Ollie's footprints

Daddy. Aka my hot husband.

Ollie is SO his Daddy's boy. I love that they are both pulling the same half-smile face.

First ride on a jet ski. He was a little unsure but I think enjoyed it in the end because he fell asleep.

Now, for the first 2 days at lake powell, Oliver was SICK as can be. He has never been sick before so this was a very unwelcome surprise at a very inopportune time. He was cutting his first tooth and he had a terrible cold so he was completely miserable for those 2 days. This is what his face looked like all the time. So sad, so tired, so sick. No fun. Even when we tried to take him out to play in the water he just felt so lousy. Totally broke my heart. Luckily he made a full recovery and had fun the rest of the trip.

Big air for Jon

Not so much for me.

What a little stud in his little life jacket. He wasn't a fan.

There was SO much more, but I am way too tired to post it all. So this will have to do.
Thanks for all our friends and family that made this summer totally rock.

Thank you Ollie, for being here, and making this summer so much more fun and for making Mommy and Daddy so happy.

A couple more

2010-08-29T19:14:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to throw in a couple more 9 month pics of the babe.

Also a small change to the last post...
This boy now has a tooth.

9 months

2010-08-25T19:04:00.000-07:00

It's that time again... time for your monthly Ollie fix.

Month #9
Also known as, 3 more months until I have a 1 YEAR old.
Yikes...

This month, baby boy has started chatting... gaga, nana, baba that kind of stuff. It's adorable.
He's crawling all over the place but in his own special way. He CAN crawl normally, I've seen him do it, but he prefers what looks like the butterfly swim method. It's quite fun to watch.

I feel like Oliver's personality is really starting to show these days. He's always had it, since the day he was born, always been really happy, chill, curious, but I just seem to notice it more and more each day. It's wonderful. He has so many funny quirks and funny faces, and I love that I know them all so well.

Here are some of my favorite Ollie faces...

Deep concentration

Studious...

Frustrated

Deeply concerned, poutty

Happy and happier (my favorite!! And of course he wouldn't pull this face until I let him go in his jumperoo)

Oh how I adore those gummy smiles. Yes gummy. All gums. No teeth. Love it.
Love him.
Don't know what else to say. Just love every minute of him.

FREE goodies!

2010-08-12T17:37:00.000-07:00

You are probably tired of hearing about my Photography and my new website... sorry, gotta make a living!

I am doing a really great (I think) giveaway right now so hop on over to www.tracylaynephotography.com
to find out how to enter for a FREE mini session!

Good Luck!

New this month

2010-07-30T13:27:00.000-07:00

Family pictures!!

This was so fun. It was kind of emotional looking at these... at first my girly, self-centered brain came out and said "ugh, you look weird, your outfit didn't work, you have rolls, blah blah blah". Stupid girl brain.
These pictures are beautiful. Perfect. Can you see the joy? Can you feel how happy we are? Can you see how much we love our little family? I can when I look at these, and that was the goal.

so...

Mission accomplished.

Thank you Mikki for once again, an amazing job!!

Also this month...
8 month Ollie Pop!!

Nothing too new with the kid... still workin' on crawling, still growing, still the most adorable baby on the face of the earth... ya know, the usual. :)

I also got some new equipment for an at home studio so I tested it out on the little nugget.

It's been a great month.

Great Givaway!!

2010-07-27T17:18:00.000-07:00

Check out http://inspiremebaby.com/

What a valuable tool for newer photographers trying to get new ideas and techniques!! I hope I win!!

We love summer

2010-07-19T08:38:00.000-07:00

Oh summer makes me happy. So very happy.

We have had so much fun already and we are only half way through the season! This has been my funnest summer in a long time now that I am not working full time and have the freedom to go places with Ollie. It's been so nice to be outside all summer and actually enjoy each day. I feel so incredibly blessed to be able to stay home with my sweet little man and make these awesome memories with him, doing some of my favorite things. Lucky girl here!

To start off, first trip to the lake! If you know anything about me, you know I LIVE to go to the lake (especially lake powell, but any lake with a boat and a board will do just fine).

We spent the weekend in St. George and were able to take my parents boat out with our good friends Ryan, Danna and Scarlett. It was so, so fun! Ollie and Lettie did so good and totally loved hanging out together on the boat or in the dirt.

And by the end of the day, both the kids were totally zonked out, in whatever position they happened to be in. So cute.

Also while in St. George, we were able to attend little Georgie Porgie's 1st Birthday!

We were trying to stand the two little cousins next to each other to see how close they were in size these days but Ollie was not having it.

It was such a fun party and so fun to see my little nephew in all his glory on his big day. Love you Georgie!!

P.S. don't you think these two look alike?!

Last, but certainly not least was a girls only (+ Ollie) trip to Santa Monica with my Mom, Best friend Bevin and her Mom (and my Mom #2) Patty. Holy smokes it was so incredibly fun!! I felt like the biggest pampered little pet ever. We played at the beach, rode bikes, shopped, ate, repeat. And to top it off, Ollie was a total gem the entire time! What a man!

Here we are at the beach, Ollie's first.

I thought the cold, crashing water would scare him but he had no fear! Loved it!

This is a little glimpse of the house we stayed at (THANK YOU JER!!!!). It's right across the street from the beach so I would just stand in this balcony and stare at the beautiful ocean and smell the fresh air... heaven I tell you.

Bev found a real beauty to ride here.

Had to take the Segways out for a little spin. They are such a hoot. People look at you so funny of they have never seen one before.

Bev and Patty

Momma Barb and Patty

Muscle beach

This was really cool... this is what it looks like walking under the pier in the middle of the day with the light filtering through all the little holes.

I tell you, with all the craziness, little O was just all tuckered out by the end of the day. And so to unwind, a little baby einstein with his favorite blankee was just the ticket.

And once refreshed, he was ready for more party!!

What a cute baby I have :) I love him.

7 months

2010-06-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

and another month has completely flown right on by and my baby boy has snuck up behind me and turned another month older. This trend isn't going to change is it...

Thus far, this has been my favorite age! Ollie is so fun, so interactive, so happy, so busy, but still can't get very far on his own, giving Mommy all sorts of freedom. :) He's just so cute I can hardly bare it sometimes. I love being his Mommy. Love it Love it Love it!

(Please note the ADORABLE pants he is wearing that Grandma Barb made)

Now, as I said, he is still not able to crawl, but he is sure trying his hardest...

and getting VERY frustrated with his lack of success...

But seriously, he is so dang close it's scary. I fear I only have days or weeks left before this kid is on the move. I shall enjoy my freedom while I have it :)

He's also getting MUCH better at sitting up on his own. He was pretty wobbly for a while but he's quite steady these days.

Also, I am noticing that as each month goes by, he seems to get more and more nicknames... here's what he has so far...

Ollie
O
Ollie Pop
Poppy
Poppers
Grover
Offifer
Liver
Opopolopimus
Nugget
Bear

I think there's more but he's screaming right now so I can't think. I better sign off.

First Fathers Day

2010-06-20T13:58:00.000-07:00

I love this picture.
Because...
This is the face Jon pulls when he is trying not to show emotion. When he is trying to hold back tears. Pretty hard to do when you're holding your son for the first time... it didn't last :)

He loved our little boy the very moment he laid eyes on him.
He would have laid down his life for him in that same instant.
I see such an amazing bond in this picture. An eternal one. A bond that was created a long, long time ago, and was just being seen for the first time on this earth.

I could never imagine a better Daddy for Oliver.

He's a lucky little boy.
He loves his Daddy.
So do I.

Happy first Father's Day Jon

Summer Time!

2010-06-17T08:07:00.000-07:00

I know Salt Lake City's weather has not decided if summer is here yet or if it's still winter, but I have decided it's time for summer!

Here's what we've been up to so far.

Ollie's first ride in Daddy's new canoe

I know he looks happy now, but half way through the ride he was DONE. Screaming and squirming with all his little boy might. It was still fun :)

Playin' with his KC. Ollie LOVES KC and does whatever KC does. If KC sits up, Ollie sits up, if KC eats, Ollie eats. It's so funny because normally Ollie doesn't do either one of those things very well. Thanks for being the good example KC!

And swimmin'
I know he looks mad but he really liked it.

And that's about it so far... July is gonna be a BUSY month so I'm sure I'll have something more interesting to post then.

Notice how I said "here's what WE have been up to so far" when really I should have said what Ollie is up to so far... One of these days I will do a non-Ollie post. Maybe.

Cupcake heaven

2010-06-09T09:03:00.000-07:00

Try not to drool on your computer.

I have been on a bit of a baking kick lately... hence the 13 mile bike ride me and Ollie took yesterday. ( I was so proud, my farthest ride so far)

These were FABULOUS. And so pretty... don't ya think?

Lime Coconut Cupcakes with White Chocolate Frosting
get the recipe here

P.S. Do you like the facelift I gave the ol' blog? Yes I know the background says Merry Christmas... I just loved it so much I had to have it. Plus I don't think it looks Christmasy at all... more like springtime at Anthropologie or something.

So Christmas cheer will fill my blog all year round. Ho Ho Ho!

BIG ol' Ollie post

2010-06-04T09:36:00.000-07:00

Hello bloggers!

I will warn you right here and now... this post will be long. So, as long as you have nothing better to do with your time, consider yourself warned and enjoy an all Oliver post. :)

The past few weeks have been amazing. So many things happened, Oliver changed so much, and Jon and I's lives changed forever.

First things first. Oliver turned 6 months!! Holy smokes, my little tiny, less than 6lb baby boy, is half a year old?? Who gave him permission to do that? And overnight no less! He is at such a fun age though... I won't lie I am really lovin' it. He is so playful, talkative and happy. I just eat him up all day. I mean look at this face, wouldn't you?

And so, as we do each month, a little 6 month photo shoot

Oooo I love him! He's napping right now and those pictures almost make me want to go wake him up... almost :)

Next event, promptly after he turned 6 months, was his date with the judge to finalize his adoption. It was so fast, like 5 minutes, but it was still great to have all the legalities behind us. Oliver was so happy that day (even though there was a blizzard outside). He was squealing through the whole thing which made it hard not to laugh in court. But we got through it.

Oliver's outfit totally clashes doesn't it... haha. Oh well.

Lastly, and most importantly, was Oliver's sealing and blessing.

This is gonna be hard to type without crying, but I guess you'll never know will you :)
That day, will be burned in my heart forever. It is so hard to describe a feeling like that but I will try my best.

We arrived at the temple on May 29, 2010 around 2:30. We were greeted by a whole following of temple peeps, who walked us through like it was our wedding day again. We took Oliver to the nursery while we got the paperwork and everything ready.

As we were waiting for family and friends to arrive, my heart was just racing. I was so anxious. Anxious to see all those people, anxious to see my baby, anxious to see my husbands reaction, anxious for eternity. It seemed like it took forever. But finally, as we waited in another room, we saw our family and friends walk down the hallway, every one of them looking at us and smiling as they passed. It made me so happy. And then, last, comes my sweet baby boy, all in white. He was taken down the hall and then we were called out to get this thing going.

As I walked into the hallway, there was my Oliver, looking like a little angel. Literally, he almost didn't look real. He was so beautiful, so perfect.

That's when it really started to hit me, and the tears started filling my eyes. I held them back with all my might as we entered the sealing room, filled with the people I love most. We smiled, Oliver waved to everyone, we sat down, and my grandpa began to speak. He sealed Jon and I in that same temple, 5 years prior. It was so amazing to see him there again, in much the same circumstances.

As he was speaking, Jon looked over at me and reached for his son, and I could see the emotion all over his face. He felt the exact same as me. So overwhelmed. And then I lost it. There was no holding in the tears. And I cried tears of pure joy. PURE JOY. Unlike anything I have ever felt. It was so right. I felt so strongly, the presence of my Father in Heaven, and his immense love for me and my little family. And I was overcome with gratitude for this perfect gift he had given me.

The ceremony was over in what seemed like an instant. I wish it would have been longer. But those feelings will stay with me forever. I'm feeling them all over again right now as I type this. It's wonderful. Awe-inspiring. Indescribable.
It's my gift.
It's the trade off, for not being able to give birth to him. To be able to watch him become sealed to Jon and I for all eternity. It's a good trade.

Fortunately for me, my uncle and cousin who are fabulous photographers were there for this whole event, and captured these priceless images.

Following the sealing, we headed to Jeremy and Sharla's house for Oliver's blessing.
Jon was so nervous. He just kept saying how nervous he was, which is so out of character for Jon. But as I knew he would, he did amazing. You could just feel the intense love he has for his little boy, and how much it meant to him to have so many people there supporting us.

It was a perfect blessing. A proud Daddy. A happy Momma. And I didn't get a picture of us all together... way to go Tracy. I did however get a pic of the Ollie Pop himself.

Can you tell his outfit BARELY fit?! He had a serious growth spurt right after I bought this... I am just happy it buttoned up.

So there you have it. My big, long, all Oliver post. Congratulations for finishing :) It was, like I said, such a busy month, filled with so much. But it was the best month ever, and May 29th was probably the best day of my life. I'm so grateful. So so so grateful.

And a BIG, HUGE thank you to all the family and friends that came to all of Ollie's festivities. Some of you traveled a LONG way, and it meant the world to us. We love you. Thank you.

Mothers Day

2010-05-11T13:46:00.000-07:00

What a day.
What a beautiful, wonderful, surreal day.

I had tears in my eyes most of the day.
I had a hard time looking and Oliver without crying.
I found myself just staring and Jon when he was holding or playing with Oliver. In disbelief that it was real.
I remembered Mothers Days past... that were so painful. Gut-wrenching at times.
I remembered being so insanely jealous of the pregnant women around me.
And the women who had 4 kids crawling all over them in church.
I thought about friends that are going through the same struggles I did.
And it made me sad.
I thought about friends that went through the same struggles I did, and succeeded.
And it made me smile.
I thought about my own Mom. And how much of her I have in me.
I wondered if I could ever do as good of a job as she did.
I thought about a lot on Mothers Day.

Mostly I just thought about how I am the luckiest Mommy on earth.
And it was a very... very happy day.

So Proud

2010-05-08T07:20:00.000-07:00

Of HIM...

So happy to have him back

And so is HE!

Yesterday was such a long awaited, wonderful day.

Jon-
You have worked so so hard the past 4 years, enduring the sleepless nights, foodless days, and impossible deadlines at the architecture building. I have never seen someone work so hard for free! But it is finally paying off now. You are so good at what you do and I am certain that you will be a success in your field. I can't wait to see what you create!
Me and Oliver are so very proud :)

Congratulations!

Let's go have some fun today!!

Funk

2010-05-04T21:03:00.000-07:00

2 posts in 1 evening... weird

I am in a funk. Do you ever feel like you are in a funk?
At first I wasn't sure exactly why. I have the most blessed and wonderful life I can imagine. Nothing I could possibly complain about. But I think I have come up with some reasons for said funkiness.

I am spending too much time blogging and Facebooking
I am not being the best mommy possible to my sweet baby boy
I am not being the best wife to the husband I love so much
I am not taking the very best care of myself
I am not spending any time in the service of others
I am not trying to better myself
I am watching too much TV and not enjoying the simple joys in life
I am not my normal, happy self

Why???

I'm not saying I'm a horrible person. I think I am a pretty descent human being. Not the point here. Maybe I just needed to write it down and put it into space to push me to start working on these things. Yes. I think that's what I needed.

Get the sensation...

2010-05-04T20:25:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have been brainwashed by THIS commercial...

I love it. And I have craved them every single day since I first saw the commercial. Clever clever advertising. Mmmmmmm... I think I'll go have one right now.

5 months

2010-04-22T10:30:00.001-07:00

Where did months 3 and 4 go?!? I can't believe how fast the past 2 months have gone. My guess is the next month will fly as well and he will be half a year old! YIKES!

At 5 months Oliver
-rolls from his back to tummy. Usually the second I set him down.
-still hates food and loves formula
-loves Momma
-has been missing dadda but is now SO happy to have him back!
-smiles all day, the cutest little flirty, shy smile ever
-still spits up most of what he eats but is gaining weight like crazy... can't quite figure that one out....?
-is pretty stingy with the laughs but they are so cute when he lets them out
-loves his bouncy chair and baby einstein
-puts everything in his mouth, except food

Love him so very much. More than there are words.

Easter. We were cheap and didn't get him a basket or anything. He doesn't know the difference :) But I did get him this adorable little Easter outfit. He looks like an old man, haha. Love it.

He gets more fun every month. As much as it pains me to see him grow up so fast, he is just so fun I can't help but be excited for him to get even more active and more fun.

5 years

2010-04-09T08:12:00.000-07:00

5 years ago today...

On a strangely cold, windy, rainy April day in St. George, I made the best decision of my life. I married Jon.

What a whirlwind the past 5 years have been. Filled with architecture school, college for dummies, crummy jobs, good jobs, crummy apartments, nice home, new friends, fun trips, new places, lots of doctors, a few failures, and one great big success named Oliver. I wouldn't change a thing.

I feel so lucky each day that I get to be his wife.
So
So
Lucky.
Sometimes it's a bit overwhelming. Like today.

Love you Jon

4 months

2010-03-31T14:49:00.000-07:00

This boy just gets cuter month by month.
He is so happy and smiley and has just started laughing. It has got to be the best sound on earth. His first laugh was such an incredible thing to hear, sadly, I screamed with excitement and scared little Ollie to death which turned the adorable laugh to a terrified scream. Stupid Mommy.

At 4 months Oliver is very active, lots of kicking and wiggling. I'm scared for when he gets mobile... my life is gonna get tough. He has also started some first foods... which he thus far hates but we're working on it. It has been so much fun to watch him learn new tricks this past month, his best trick however is just sitting around being adorable.

Oliver also had his first swim this month! He LOVED it. He was kicking and squealing and thought it was real funny to watch mom and dad splash. So much fun!

Look at that bod... Oliver's I mean :) He's so strong!

Can't wait to see what the next month holds!

TAGGED

2010-03-20T15:15:00.000-07:00

I usually don't do these tag things but I don't have anything else to do at the moment (which I am loving). Jon's home today, we went to breakfast, went on a walk, been playing with Oliver, what else could I possibly do? Plus Ashlie tagged me and it's like in elementary school when someone dares you, or like double dog dares you... you have no choice but to do it!

You probably know the rules, you have to take a picture of these things as is, no cleaning. Lucky for me I made my bed today :)

Favorite Room

I really love Oliver's nursery too, but I already posted that. This is our master bedroom. It's so relaxing feeling, I love it.

Bathroom

This one not so relaxing, and not clean. But hey at least I am following the rules!! Notice, it's only my stuff spread all over the counter. My hubby is such a good sport.

Laundry Room

Nothing too exciting here.

Favorite Shoes

My Mommy shoes, they are flat and comfy and I love them. Ask me 4 months ago and I would have posted some 4 inch, purple heels.

Self Portrait

They were all so stunning, I couldn't pick just one...

Refrigerator

Outside: Motivation for summer so I stop eating crap all day long

Inside: Crap tempting me to forget summer and eat all day

Closet

Stuffed.

Kitchen Sink

Not bad right now.

Your baby at this moment

Playing with Daddy.

And one more just for fun because he was so cute yesterday in his little skunk onesie (it says mommys little stinker, I love it) and camo socks. Who am I kidding, he's cute everyday.

I tag: Mom (you need a new post)
Danna L.
Katie R. (I wanna see your new house)
Kate J.
Sharla J.

Come on girls, join the fun!!!

Happy St. Patty's day!!

2010-03-17T09:35:00.000-07:00

Love our little lucky charm

What matters

2010-03-07T11:58:00.000-08:00

Today, I feel selfish and embarrassed for my last post. I'm not gonna delete it because I want it to be a reminder of how I feel today. I was just playing around in posting it, but the truth is that I wanted those things yesterday. Today, not so much.

Today I read THIS it's a long story, but well worth the time to read.

Most of you probably know that the do-gooder in this article is my brother. And reading it brought me to tears. I'm not sure if I felt guilty for my own selfishness, touched by his example, or proud... probably a combination of all 3. But I feel so differently now.

I certainly feel a need to change and I think I will.

Dear Springtime

2010-03-06T20:39:00.000-08:00

please bring me these...

from my garden

and these from Piperlime

and this pretty dress from Jcrew

and this adorable ensemble from Banana Republic

Is that too much to ask??

I wanna win I wanna win!

2010-03-05T16:07:00.000-08:00

Alright folks. A friend of mine and FABULOUS photographer in St. George has set up a new blog and in trying to get the word out she is doing a giveaway and so I am here to spread the word! I LOVE her work so check her out at...

http://errinandrusphotography.com/blog

Happy Friday!

3 months (warning, picture overload)

2010-02-21T15:21:00.000-08:00

This handsome fella, is 3 months old today.

He is so happy...

usually...

but even that pouty little face makes me smile.

and those beautiful blue eyes, never get old.

and we have never been happier

This boy knows just how to charm the socks off of his parents (see picture above). I would do absolutely anything for him. He makes every single day so much fun.

At 3 months Oliver
- is actually wearing 3 month clothes! He's growing so fast.
-is really smiley for mommy and daddy but can be pretty stingy around strangers
-is busy busy busy, always kicking and cooing
-sleeps 3-5 hour stretches at night (usually 3, but he's getting better)
-still fascinated by lights, ceiling fans and blinds
-is comforted best by mommy, but smiles more for daddy
-is absolutely adorable

P.S. I got my camera fixed and I wanna start taking pictures again. I know I am a beginner but that just means I'm cheap :) Let me know if you want some fresh family pictures!

Almost laughs

2010-02-19T20:55:00.000-08:00

Oliver is usually pretty stingy with his smiles but today he thought I was being soooo funny when I made clicking noises. We haven't seen a real laugh out of him yet but this was getting pretty close. Doesn't he melt your heart? Or is it just mine?

Why?

2010-02-03T17:22:00.000-08:00

Today I watched Oliver's video. I cried. I cried in a way I have never cried before. Nothing special happened today, but today something is hitting me so hard... I am the luckiest. I look at his perfect little face everyday, and I can't believe that each time I do, I really love him more and more. Sometimes it's so much that I literally feel like my heart will burst. Why have I been so blessed? Why was I chosen by 2 good people to care for this perfect little soul? Why?

It's ironic for me to be asking these questions because just a few short months ago I was asking just about the same thing only in reverse... Why can't I have my baby? Where is he? Why didn't our IVF work? Why?

This is why

It's so funny how much sense everything makes now. He is the reason why. He is my son, and today I cried tears of Joy and gratitude that The Lord knew what he was doing when Jon and I were struggling to start our family. He knew the answer to all of my "Why's"... I was just too impatient to find out. Now I have an unshakable faith that there is a plan for us, whether we like the path or not, it will get us where we need to be. I would not trade my path for anything in the world, without it, I wouldn't have my son.

Oliver's video is played to this song, "The Luckiest". Jon and I's wedding song that once again, now makes so much sense.

I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

2 months!!!

2010-01-21T12:35:00.000-08:00

My baby is 2 months!! Wow, it's strange because it didn't seem to go by that fast... it feels like he's been here forever. Always in Mommy's heart I guess :)

At 2 months, Oliver still loves lights, blinds, baths and eating. He also loves sitting with Mommy, he will almost always calm down if I just hold him on my lap. I love it. He also loves when Daddy comes home, he always perks up when he walks in the door and he always smiles for Daddy.

These smiles melt my heart... I would do absolutely anything to get him to smile. It's the best reward there is.

He is growing and growing! Look at these "then and now" pictures...

3 days old

2 months old

1 week old (next to tiny NB onsie)

2 months old

It's amazing how fast he is growing, but he's still a little squirt. He has his 2 month appointment next week so we will see if he is moving up in the percentiles or not.

This baby boy has been the most incredible blessing of our lives. Everyday is so wonderful having him here, even the hard days. It's hard sometimes because I love him so much and I want to do everything under the sun to make sure he knows that, but it never seems enough... I just love him too much.

Happy 2 months baby boy!

The Nursery

2010-01-15T11:10:00.000-08:00

So I FINALLY finished little Oliver's nursery! Yay! It was so much fun creating a special room for my little guy. I have been dreaming about building this room for a long time and it is so wonderful to walk in to what has been the ugly, junk room for the past 3 years, and now see what it was intended to be.

Here is where we spend our nights. I love that chair so much... especially at 3am. And the little fluffy circle things were actually a decoration that my best sister friend Bevin made for my baby shower in St. George. I loved them so much I had to put them in the nursery. I think they are perfect in this room. Thanks Bevo!

And Oliver's crib. My talented, wonderful Mummy made the bumper pads that I love love love, and after many arguments with Jon, I made the little picture frame colage (Jon didn't like it, but I loved it, so being the sweet hubby he is, he let me do it). Most of the frames were from the DI and I just painted them and the pictures inside are fabric scraps, ribbon and scrapbook paper I had laying around. And of course, Mr. Hoots up in the left corner, also made by my mummy... I know, she's amazing.

And this is the closest I could get to a whole room view. It's kind of an awkward space... Jon put the shelves in the corner and I also love how they turned out. Most of the things we used to decorate we got at the DI and dollar bins at Target and Michaels. I love making junk into something cute!

There is also a cute dresser that Jon got off the side of the road for free one day that he stripped down and painted orange and brown that turned out really cute, but I couldn't fit it in the pictures... and it's not finished yet anyway :) but I still love it.

Like I said, it was a dream to finally build this. It's my favorite room in the house, especially with the little man that lives in it. I love him the very most.

Happy Baby

2010-01-11T10:28:00.000-08:00

Oliver has been so happy in the mornings lately and today we got some pretty cute smiles on video. It's amazing how much joy his happy little face brings to my life!

Please don't pay attention to the way over-excited mommy in the background.

Foxboro Peeping Tom

2010-01-09T15:21:00.000-08:00

I wanted to post this to give warning to all my friends that live in Foxboro.

We have a peeping Tom in our neighborhood. My friend Ashlie posted the same thing on her blog. I read hers a few days ago and was a bit un-nerved, but when I went outside today and found the exact same thing at my own home, I became down right worried. Check out her blog linked to her name for her story...

I didn't take as many pictures as Ashlie but these tracks lead straight from my next door neighbors window, to mine. The tracks show that he stops at my window (right above the bricks) and then walks off.

There are apparently some salesmen in the area right now, and it could be one of them, but he clearly isn't coming to our homes to sell anything, just peeping in the windows.

It's enough to have me concerned so I wanted to let you all know to be aware, keep your windows and doors locked, and don't open your door for anyone if you are alone. I never answer my door when I'm alone so if you come by to say hello because all the lights are on and you can hear my TV, don't be offended when I don't answer :)

Be careful friends, and if this happens to you, call the North Salt Lake Police 801-298-6000.
Let's get rid of this creepy person.

Christmas n' such

2010-01-05T16:42:00.000-08:00

We had such a wonderful Christmas this year... we could have received lumps of coal from Santa and still had the best Christmas ever with our little Oliver... but of course Santa was as generous as ever this year and we loved being able to spend some time with our families and friends.

Oliver enjoyed his first bath in the sink and Grandma's

All happy and clean

He especially loved hanging with the Grandma's who cuddle him non-stop

Grandma Layne

Grandma Barb and Grandpa Kerry

He also loved playing with his cousin Elijah who is only 3 weeks older believe it or not!

Now we are back home... Jon is back to work, and I'm back to playing with this handsome man all day long. best job in the world <3

He gets cuter and fatter every day. Life is good. :)

Inspiring

2009-12-30T18:24:00.000-08:00

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world your best anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

My brother introduced me to this lovely little saying. These are words I really want to live by.

More liver please

2009-12-20T21:04:00.000-08:00

You really can't have too many pictures can you?

Love you little man

P.S. The title of this post is not a typo... Jon nicknamed our son Liver and I'm afraid it's sticking... as though Liver is so much shorter than Oliver. Oh well.

Also... Merry Christmas :)

Happy Family

2009-12-06T19:01:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

Baby Oliver is now 2 weeks old. It's been such a crazy couple of weeks that we would not trade for anything! We can't believe how much we love our little guy... he's perfect.

My two favorite boys. These pictures melt my little heart...

My cousin came over today and took a few family pictures for us and he got some really good shots! Here are a few...
seriously isn't he so so so dang cute??

Such a happy family :)

Grab A Tissue! (or two)

2009-11-25T13:08:00.000-08:00

These last few days with little Oliver have been so wonderful! (a little tiring because he has his days and nights mixed up, but definitely wonderful) We both feel so very blessed and so very grateful to have him for our son! There have been so many of you that have been fasting and praying that this would all work out and we can't thank you enough. We have definitely seen the Lords hand in orchestrating all of this because there have been so many little miracles happening along the way. Many of you have played a part in those so thank you. Our greatest thanks however, goes to the selfless, amazing people, who brought this little miracle into the world, and have entrusted us with his care. These people are among the strongest in the world. The selflessness they showed us in doing what was by far the hardest thing for themselves but the best thing for this child, is a lesson we will carry with us forever. We love you. We thank you.

The last couple of weeks the birth mom has been having contractions and has been in and out of the hospital several times. When they got really close together, Tracy and I were glued to our phones, bags packed, ready to go at a moments notice. we put 2400 miles on our car driving back and forth so many times. Finally, last week we got notice that the doctor would be inducing her on Tuesday (yesterday) so it felt really good to finally have a date, But once again he didn't last that long. We came down on Friday night and it was a good thing because it was a short delivery Saturday morning. The birth mom was so awesome and wanted Tracy and I to be in the delivery room when Oliver was born. We had to pull some strings in order to get all of us in there because the birth father wanted to be there too, and with the H1N1 scare they had restricted the number of visitors to two. Another little miracle.

It seemed like everything happened in seconds. But the delivery went well and our precious baby boy was born without any complications and the birth mother did amazing. Once again... a miracle. What a blessing it was to be in that room and feel his little spirit enter this world. There are just no words to describe a moment like that. Perhaps this little video will do a better job at expressing the joy.

(its better full screen with the volume up)

Oliver Ayden Layne from Jon Layne on Vimeo.

How thankful we are... We could not possibly love him any more.

Welcome to our family little Oliver

Mom & Dad

Introducing...

2009-11-22T17:50:00.001-08:00

Oliver Ayden Layne

born 11/21/2009
10:37am
5lbs 14oz
18 inches long
perfect
handsome
love

We're in love.

Family pictures

2009-10-24T17:59:00.000-07:00

Jon and I had some new family pictures taken last week and here they are! My good friend Mikki did them, her blog is linked to mine so check out her work, she is AMAZING. It was a windy, rainy, cold day and my hair was all over the place but it made for some good laughs and fun shots. Thank you Mikki!!!

I may or may not have gotten a bit teary when I was looking at these...
Sometimes I just feel so lucky. :)

LOVE

2009-10-18T19:53:00.000-07:00

Went to St. George last weekend. Love these kids. Love.

Love this view...

Love watching Sharla race the girls around the yard... haha

Allie in the lead... come on Sharla, this is humiliating...

Peaches waving bye bye

Arden being Arden

I'm sure Daddy didn't MEAN to shove your face in your ice cream Allie.

George showing off his fabulous physique. Look at those legs...

Haha Allie is such a good big cousin. She carted the girls around the court for like an hour.

I love family.

Moooooovin' on

2009-10-02T19:57:00.000-07:00

I was getting tired of looking at that last post... how depressing. So Moving right along! See that picture above? Don't we look happy? It's because we are! We are in love, we are excited for the future, we are happy. What a change from 1 week ago. I am gonna go ahead and credit all of you wonderful people that prayed for us and wished us well through a really difficult time. You made a difference. A big one. I don't really have any other explanation for why we are doing so well. So thank you, thank you, thank you.

The weekend of our little dilema also happened to be my birthday and so Jon and I decided to take a little trip up to Midway for some fresh air. It was so so beautiful up there so I had to snap a few pics.

I am more of a summer kind of girl but I must admit fall is awfully beautiful around here.

Thanks for reading. Have a good day. :)

I wish I had something better to say

2009-09-25T12:49:00.000-07:00

Some of you know that Jon and I have been in process of another round of IVF. Last time we miscarried almost right away. I'm very sad to say that this time is not much different.

We were going in for our embryo transfer today and just as we were getting ready to leave, we got a call from the Doctor that we didn't have a single, healthy embryo to transfer. So it was cancelled.

So here is a little background if you don't know much about our story. Our problems is a genetic defect that causes even more genetic defects in an embryo. We thought that our odds of getting a healthy embryo were about 30%, which is not good, but workable. Last time we did IVF we had 3 out of 10 embrios pass genetic testing, which matched the 30%. So when we were going in for this round, we knew they had tested 16 of our embryos for genetic defects and that 12 had survived as of yesterday, and so we were expecting at least 3-4 embryos today. Instead, all 16 had severe genetic defects. Big shock to us and the Doctors. They think our 30% estimate was not quite right and we may have worse problems that we thought. They do not think we should do IVF again until the technology is better and there is more they can do to help us. They said maybe 5-10 years.

This is hard. We are so sad. It's painful to want something so desperately, and to have it taken away. I have found myself forgetting to breathe today. BUT, just as last time, we are humbled and grateful at the outpouring of love and support from family and friends. There people much more deserving of all your thoughts and prayers, but we are still so grateful for it. We know we will have our family some day, some way. It's just not our time now unfortunately.

We will not being doing IVF again until the technology advances but we will hope for other options. Adpotion is where we would like to go now.

Thank you all again for all of your well-wishes, prayers and support. It helps so much more than you know.

Again...

2009-09-21T18:23:00.000-07:00

"It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don’t worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. If you do your best, it will all work out. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. … If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers."

Gordon B. Hinckley

I know, I posted this same quote on my blog last year. I just think it's a reminder that never gets old... so pass on over if you are tired of hearing it. Take another read through if you need a "pick me up". I miss President Hinckley. He was such a good man. Such a happy disposition and a positive outlook on life. Reading this reminds me of him and the example he is. I feel happier now :)

Happy Birthday Momma!!!

2009-09-15T07:20:00.000-07:00

Happy Happy birthday to my beautiful Mom! I hope you have a wonderful day today celebrating YOU! Because that is really something to celebrate. What would I do without you? What kind of person would I have become without a mother like you? You have been the greatest influence on my life. You have taught me how to be a happy person, how to be a good friend, how to make the best chocolate chip cookies in the world, how to be a loving wife and how to be a wonderful mother (hopefully I can put those lessons into action soon). I am so grateful for your example. I love and wouldn't even trade you for a pengwon! :)

Who else is grateful for Momma Barb??

Leave a comment if you love barb and why!!!

Baby KC

2009-09-07T11:41:00.000-07:00

Congratulations Ty and Elise!

This was the most cooperative newborn on the planet! Baby KC is 4 days old. He was awake and happy the entire time. Plus he is stinkin' adorable so that makes my job easy.

The whole fam

Glowing parents

Baby's destiny...

Beautiful new Mamma

Congratulations happy family! You make cute babies :)

Amber

2009-08-22T10:58:00.000-07:00

The Gillespie Family

There are about 50 pictures from this shoot that I LOVE, but here are a few to start.

Amber is my good friend at work and she is pregnant with her first little baby boy. Thanks so much for getting up early to play with me guys! I hope you like um! More to come... really this time.

love, love, love this one above!

Really love this one too... I love the little smirk Amber. Glad we did the cheesy heart pose.

Coming to an end...

2009-08-02T16:32:00.000-07:00

are my summer vacations.

Jon and I have had so much fun this summer. We have squeezed as much fun as possible into the months before Jon starts his last year of Architecture school. We still have a few weeks before school starts so we will probably squeeze in a bit more (Jons going to Alaska in a couple weeks) but for the most part I think our vacations are about over.

We will miss this view. Driving past the lavendar fields.

We will REALLY miss this...

Lake Powell

This is my Mom #2 Pat. She has had this awesome T-shirt ever since I can remember and it is a must have at Lake Powell with the Frei's. Hahaha she's a crack up!

Jon will miss constructing architectural wonders out of sand.

I will miss watching the boys slave in the hot sun shoveling dirt and carving with plastic forks while I float in the water with the girls sipping Diet Coke.

My "sister" Bevin. Can't you see the family resemblence? We NEVER get to hang out so it was so much fun to be stuck in the middle of Lake Powell together.

Now the very slighty older version of me and Bevin is my Mom and Pat (Bev's mom). They have been best friends since Bev and I were babies so they were in heaven being together again at Lake Powell. Pat and her husband just got back last month from being a mission president in Brazil for 3 years so this was a MUCH needed reunion. Aren't they babes??? Hope me and Bevin are that hot at 50.

And the always entertaining Water Wienie. Haha I am way too scared to ride it but it's really fun watching the brave boys go at it. Just as fun watching them try to get back on it after they fall.

Ah... such a fun summer. I love summer. We went straight to Moab to go River Rafting after Lake Powell but the only pictures I have are on a water proof disposable camera that I took on the river. Jon and I took a Kayak down the rapids and it was SO MUCH FUN! I was a little nervous when we started because I thought we would flip ourselves over for sure in a little Kayak but the rapids turned out too be pretty small so we survived. I will try to get the pictures developed and post them.

Jon and I were talking while we were floating down the river about how lucky we have been to be able to do so many fun things the past 4 years we have been married. We feel so so blessed to have had the time to be able to adventure and play together and to just enjoy being together, just Jon and I. It's really been nice... but hopefully we will not be just "Jon and I " for much longer... lets hope. :)

Anyway, we had an amazing time. Loved every minute of it, but it is good to be home again. I missed my little condo and my friends. Hope I see you all soon!

Update!!!

2009-07-20T11:18:00.001-07:00

Blue baby has a NAME!

George August Johnson

(this was my name pick for him given the options... My little Georgy)

Introducing....

2009-07-19T18:16:00.000-07:00

"Blue baby"

(seriously isn't he so dang adorable???)
Meet my new baby nephew. He doesn't have a name quite yet but his big sister Arden has already chosen Blue baby, so as of now that's how we know him.

Aunt Tracy lovin' him up

Big sister Arden proud to show him off.

Looks just like his Daddy

Got adorable little old man feet

Uncle Jon

Welcome to the world little man. We love you!!!

Welcome to the world...

2009-06-23T20:22:00.000-07:00

This is Molly (is that how you are spelling it Meg?)

Anyhow... she is adorable and I had so much fun taking pictures with her.

She is 6 days old and tiny and so stinkin cute I almost stole her.

And big sister Lucy wanted in on the action.

I don't think Molly liked sharing the spotlight, but Lucy was trying to give her kisses to make her fell better.

Lucy is 18 months now. I cant believe how much bigger she is than when I did her 1-year-old pictures. She's adorable.

Congrats Megan and Grady!

Fathers Day

2009-06-21T12:16:00.001-07:00

Happy Fathers Day to the 2 most important men in my life.

Jon

I love you so very much and on this day I feel so happy and sad at the same time. Happy because today I am reminded of the amazing man I married. I feel so lucky to have a man that loves me so much and would do anything in the world for me. I always feel so happy and so safe when you are near and I don't know how I could survive without you. I also know of 100% certainty that you will be an incredible father one day. I love to see you laugh and play with your little nieces and nephew and it melts my heart to know that that will be you with your own little ones. Sad today because I am impatient for that day to come! You know me, always impatient for the things I want. :)

Anyway, just wanted you to know today that I love you and I think you are HOTT! :)

Dad

More affectionately known to me as "Diddle". Happy Father's day to you! I wish I could be there to give you a big squeeze but I guess that part will have to wait for a couple of weeks.

I want you also to know how much I love you. You have always been there for me in life, pushing me, teaching me and cheering me on. I feel lucky to have a Dad that cares so much for me and my wellbeing.

I am so proud of you for all you have accomplished this past year. I know it has been quite a challenge and I am so proud of you for fighting through all the hard stuff and continuing to work hard to improve yourself. Proud proud proud!

Happy Father's Day!

Pumped!

2009-06-02T07:26:00.000-07:00

Had my first training session last night and I am SO pumped and excited to get my butt in shape! I've been so out of shape for the past 2 years and I am really looking forward to changing that! I feel so good when I am working hard and getting strong. I love when I am working out so hard that my muscles are littlerally shaking because they are so fatigued. And I love to have a trainer there yelling at me making sure I finish the set even though I am shaking tired. Endorphins are good...

So, if anyone has a Golds membership and wants to come play with me, I will be there 5 days a week doing workouts or taking classes, sweating and gettin all BUFF! Its gonna be fun I promise. Let me know if you wanna come, its more fun to go with friends!

Be of Good Cheer

2009-05-27T19:31:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I just need a little reminder... (thanks for the little nudge Lois! I will continue to drive down for your lessons as long as you teach)

I have not had many nice things to say about 2009 so far and it has been really bringing me down. I needed a little pick me up I think and I finally got that. It's really easy sometimes when things dont go your way to feel like you are being picked on, I have described it has being in a hole and having rocks thrown at you while you try to climb out (I think that was a bit of an exageration). When that happens, its amazing how hard my Father in Heaven tries to remind me of all the good in my life. Have you ever seen Bruce Almighty? When he is driving down the road asking God for signs and the truck full of road signs pulls in front of him.... he drives right by and doesnt get it. Thats what I feel like I have been doing. Ignoring all the good and only looking at the hard stuff. Bad idea. Doesnt do good things for me... gives me wrinkles.

And so... instead of the negative from the year I am gonna point out the awesomness of 2009...

1. Amazing trip to Park City with the fam
2. Lots of flowers from my hubby
3. Playing with my neices/nephew
4. 2 new neice/nephews on the way this year
5. Being able to try IVF (yes it failed but it was a real blessing to be able to even try)
6. HAWAII
7. Blackey (the new family boat) joining the family
8. Finishing the semester
9. new gym pass (ready to get my butt in shape!)
10. wakeboarding
11. LASIK
12. Spending time with my hubby
13. Fun trip to SG with the friends
14. New dresser and shoe organizer in my room (dont laugh, I really am very excited about that!)
15. Knock off designer jeans from some girl in China (Thanks for the tip Gretchen!)

We'll start with that.

I'm sure there will be more good to come this year. I will keep you all posted :)

Thanks to my hubby, family, friends, co-workers, or anyone else that put up with my stressed out, grumpy little face lately. No more of that!

Sneak Peek...

2009-05-17T15:14:00.000-07:00

I think I am in love with these pics. Such a fun location, such great colors and textures, such pretty models. Love um.... many many more to come...

P.S. ok photographer friends (Mikki, Cara are you reading this?) How do I get that dang lense flare off the bottom picture? I kinda like the way it looks, but I wanna take it off and see if it makes the picture better... I have been trying all day and cant make it work.

Home sweet home...

2009-05-14T20:20:00.001-07:00

Last weekend was our long awaited trip to St. George. It was so nice to go and escape the stress of work and school and just soak up some fun and sun.

Thanks so much to all of our awesome friends that came and made the trip so fun and entertaining and thanks to our families for feeding us AMAZING food and showing us such a good time!

Here's a few pics of the trip. I didn't have my camera as often as I planned but I got a few fun ones.

Gotta have a little IN-N-OUT

Some pretty intense cards... (I fell asleep during most of that... always the party pooper)

Lunch with the girls (look how cute they are!) at Twentyfive Main.... Mmmmmm cupcakes

LOTS of swim and sun... (Bree cracks me up in this picture... she kept throwing this floaty in the pool and she thought she was sooooo funny... what an evil little laugh just like her Daddy!)

Macey and Michelle

Monique and Haven

And CUTE CUTE little kidlets! Seriously everyone's kids were so so good and fun and adorable. Loved it.

Macey... always smiling, always cute

Hallie in her cute little suit

Allie Cat, little fish

Who's ready to go back for another trip???

ST GEORGE PEOPLE

2009-05-05T14:33:00.000-07:00

Ok my St. George blog followers... I have 2 tickets to see Brian Regan at Tuachan on Thursday night this week. He is a really funny, pretty clean comedian and his show has been sold out for a month!

There is a couple that was gonna go with Jon and I that got tickets and now cant go so please let me know if you are interested in them. Tickets are 35$ but they may be willing to negotiate :)

One down...

2009-05-03T14:30:00.001-07:00

I asked the month of May to bring me flowers... I woke up to these in my backyard today. So so pretty. I love flowers. Thank you May. One down, 6 to go.

P.S. 3 posts in 3 days??? Pretty good.

Welcome May

2009-05-01T14:27:00.000-07:00

Welcome May

Please bring the following...

warm sunshine

pretty flowers

no snow

no school

less stress

more fun

more happiness

Honestly...

2009-04-29T15:00:00.000-07:00

I stole this from my cousin Rachel's blog (you are far more in depth than I will be Rach... I'm too lazy for that kind of digging haha).

It is called the honest scrap award and these are the rules...

A) First list 10 honest things about yourself--and make it interesting even if you have to dig deep.
B) Pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of Honest Scrap...

#1 I am a slob... I really only clean when I know someone is coming over to my house. People come over and they always say how lovely our house is but really, I am just a big, fat faker. I am not clean and tidy... I wish I was. Try coming over some time without me knowing, then you will see the real me.

#2 This kind of goes along with #1. I really like to be lazy. If I have a day off work and school, I should use that to do productive things and sometimes I do, but other times, I am flat out lazy. I could lounge around my house watching TV and eating junk all day... dare to dream.

#3 I am way too self indulgent. I am always thinking what other people are thinking about me. (what is everyone gonna think about me for posting this???) It's a bit pathetic I think. I cant stand for people to look down on me or be dissappointed in me or anything like that and so I will do just about anything to avoid that, even if I do something I think is wrong or that I just dont want to do. Why cant I just let it go?? I'm a bit spineless.

#4 When I see a pregnant person, at first I get really happy and I love to see their cute belly, but after a minute I think my face literally starts to turn green because I get so jealous. I'm still happy to see them, and I love the cute pregnant girls, but I envy you...

#5 I can be a really good liar (huh mom?). But I try to limit my lies to the ones that are for the greater good, such as hiding a surprise. I like that. Likewise, I like to be surprised.

#6 I think I spoil my hubby rotten... it's just so fun to see him smile and be happy and surprised and so I keep doing it! I may have created a monster though... oh well. Love you babe.

#7 I think I am spoiled rotten... perhaps thats why #6 happens? Family, friends, co-workers, all these people spoil me. Why? Why do you all do that? You are making me rotten I think.

#8 I dont think I could live without Faith. I love knowing that there is a plan for my life whether I can see it or understand it or not. It's something that ALWAYS helps me when I'm down. When I just remember that in one way or another, there is a purpose to everything, it helps me to just accept things that are hard and be grateful for the things that are not. The good in my life outweighs the bad about 11.6 million times. That makes me happy. I'm a lucky girl.

#9 I cry almost everytime I watch Extreme Home Makeover (you do it too Sharla... dont judge :) Seriously, I am a big bawl baby. Shows like that make me cry almost every time. It's so dumb. I even shed a little tear when I watched the Hills trailor for this season when Heidi and Lauren hug and make up... pathetic. I dont cry much when I am hurt or sad, but when its something really happy I cry.

#10 I dont even know what else there is... I dont think I am that deep. Although my english professor at Utah State once told me I was "As deep as the ocean". He was a looney.

I am not gonna pick 10 people cuz I want ALL of you to do it. I love reading stuff like this about other people so get crackin!

Pretty Mamma Preview

2009-04-25T21:43:00.000-07:00

More to come on this cute mamma to be...

Thanks for the fun photoshoot girls! I will get editing asap!

2009-04-19T17:27:00.000-07:00

One of the best things

have ever done!

Haha, funny Tracy, get it... eye (I).
ok sorry.

Anyway, I did have LASIK last week and I think it is one of the greatest things I have ever done! I had no idea how much of the world I was missing out on. I can see so so well! It was a 5 minute procedure and its gonna change my life! Seems like every day I see something new and I just have to stop and stare. Awesome. Love it.

Thank you Jon for talking me into it and letting me spend our tax return! :)

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

2009-04-09T00:02:00.000-07:00

Tracy,

It is hard to believe that we have been married for FOUR whole years now. Sometimes it feels like it has gone by so quickly then as I look back I see all that we have done; I see all the times we have shared, the goals accomplished, and how our love has grown and I wonder how four years was enough. In my own special way I wanted to let you know how much I love you, while at the same time remind you of some of those special moments we have shared together.

Your eyes, your face, your beautiful smile, Hot little tennis skirts, bonfires at devils canyon.

Two years, and six weeks... a long time, without many letters.

I just couldn't live without you, i had to make you mine..

Cute little children, lots of roses, I wouldn't have it any other way. Down one knee, on a bench much like this, our bench, I held your hand in mine, you had no idea. Lots of smiles, lots of tears, hugs and kisses, shiny ring, and some crazy guy with a video camera.

It came, the day long awaited. Families gathered in holy places, hands clasped across the altar, eyes locked, eternal reflections danced in the background, covenants were made.

Bound the Lord it cannot fail, marriage like ours it will not!

New place, new city, mold, basements, depressing, snow, davids bridal.

New house, new friends, new job, not so bad this new city, snowboarding, rock climbing, bear lake, canoeing. quick trips St. George, Lake Powell, New york, Boston.

The dungeon the bunker, first year, architecture. Long hours, good morning, good night, will I see you this week, at church... alright.

Your so patient.. it will be over soon.

Smiles, laughter, no reason why, nubby tickles, cuddles, time.

vacations, like honeymoons, clear water, soft sand. Hawaii is nice, the second time too... no place like rainbow cafe.

I love you so much Tracy! You have made me happy that I married you every day for four years. I love the time we spend together, the smiles, the laughter. I try so hard to make you happy and hope that you are as much in love with me as I am with you. I am so very grateful that you have been so patient with the crazy things that life throws our way, especially as of late. I Love you so much and hope you'll stay with me for many more anniversaries to come.

Love,

Jon

SERIOUSLY???

2009-03-29T11:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday when I woke up I saw sunshine.... blue sky, I heard birds chirping, my flowers were blooming. It was beautiful.

Dear Winter,

Did you not get the memo about your turn being OVER? Seriously???! You are killing my flowers and making me cranky. Please leave.

Tracy

Home...

2009-03-12T11:01:00.000-07:00

I want to be here.... now.

I want to see these... now

And these...

Come on Friday...

I am so impatient...

Where have they been???

2009-02-19T13:31:00.000-08:00

Have the Layne's disappeared forever? Nope, we're still here. I know I have not blogged much lately and have been "sick" a lot so we have not been around much.

So here's the deal. I have debated whether to post this or not. Since I have decided to go ahead please note that this is NOT a plea for pity or anything pathetic like that. I simply want my friends and family informed so you dont ask me a question that I am not ready for and I burst into tears and we both feel crappy... now that I have it out there though I will be ready for it!

Some of you know and some dont that Jon and I have been trying to get pregnant for a couple of years and we have recently gone through a very complex form of InVitro and genetic testing, to try to get our little one... this requires a lot of time at the doctors office, having to be home early every night to do shots and several "sick" days. So on Feb. 10th the phone call that we have been waiting and waiting for finally came and unfortunately the news was not what we were hoping for. The test was positive, I was pregnant, but barely. My hormoes were very low (17... supposed to be over 100) and they said this was likely a miscarriage but possibly just a low level. They waited 2 more days to repeat the test and as we expected, we miscarried.

Yes we are very sad. It's a hard thing to go through all that and not get what you wanted so desperately, but we are not done... we will try again eventually. We are doing better now. We are VERY grateful for everyone that supported us, prayed for us, fasted for us and were just hoping for us. That is a big positive that we got out of this. We see how very lucky we are to have such great people in our lives. We really feel very blessed.

Now, please dont be scared of me girls... dont be scared to tell me you are pregnant or talk about your kids for fear of hurting my feelings. It makes me really happy to see and hear about the cuteness around me.

Ok, I feel better now... again, this is NOT for sympathy (I'm a little paranoid about everyone thinking that) but now that it's out there I am not so worried about being caught off guard and I will be ready to talk. Thanks again everyone for all your support and love, it was very much felt and very much appreciated.

P.S. fun, distracting activities are like morphine for me right now so if anyone is doing anything fun please fill me in!

Holiday Fun

2009-01-25T12:03:00.000-08:00

I realize this is late but better late than never! Jon and I had such a fun holiday season this year... Here are some of the highlights...

First we had a neighborhood Christmas party with some of our friends. It was so much fun! Here is our dress up Santa game... you had 7 minutes and very limited supplies to make one person look like Santa. I think they look more like deranged elves but hey... close enough.

The white elephant gift exchange this year was awesome! There were so many great gifts and I am too lazy to post them all. But I think Ty wins for most enthusiasm...

Christmas day was amazing... I didnt get a lot of pictures but I like these of my cute mamma... She got some new bling for Christmas this year and I think she liked it, judging by these expressions...

For New Years we went with my family to Park City and stayed in a friends "cabin". It was absolutely beautiful! Perfect weather, family all together, just really fun!

The girlies were so cute, they loved playing all together.

One of the days we went into Park City to play. It was FREEZING cold but that didnt stop us from having a good time! Here are the girls ice skating. They did so good and it was really fun to just watch them figure this out.

We also hit the Alpine coaster. I have been in the fall when its not so cold and it was SO much fun so we thought we would give it a try in the cold as well...

I love little Allie's frozen face in this picture! haha

And it was STILL fun! You couldn't feel your face for a while afterwards but it was still so fun! Lots of rosy, cold cheeks after this ride!

Bree cat was too little for this ride but she had a good time just watching the fun.

What a cute family I have

Thanks everyone for making this such a fun holiday season!

Farewell 2008....

2008-12-31T12:06:00.000-08:00

What a year it has been... I dont usually think much of New Years but this year I think was one of the best/worst, most interesting years of my life. And so, I thought it appropriate to reflect back on the year...

Starting in January. I am not a fan of the snow, however I AM a fan of it when I can go snowboarding with my husband. I always have fun when I am with him and 2008 was no exception. Here were are ready to hit the slopes...

Valentines Day.... this was a good one. My most memorable, and favorite by far when Jon surprised me with a home made dinner, dessert and some serious pampering. I loved that day.

Boston... in February Jon was investingating a school there and so we decided to take a trip to check it out. The trip was really fun and it was a really cool city, but it was not to be...

Mexico!! This was amazing! We spent a few days in Cozumel before heading to mexico city to visit Jon's mission. This was the most beautiful place and we had SO much fun on this trip. I am so so glad we decided to go when we did. Perfect weather, cheapest price... beautiful

Graduation! YAY! The half-way mark for Jon! He got his bachelors degree in architecture in May. He had worked SO hard for this and it was nice to get to a point where we felt like we were now on the down hill... (as of now he has 3 semesters left for the Masters!)

July... trip to Texas to meet my new baby niece Kennedy. It was such a fun trip and I am so glad I was able to go meet her while she was still so new! As you can see I tried to slip her in my bag when we left but I'm afraid the father was too quick for me and foiled my plan.

August... Aaaaaa summer... I miss you. We had a great summer this year that was spent mostly at lake powell. This is my favorite place in the world and it is something I look forward to more than anything every single year. If you missed this years helicopter story you should go back to my August archives and read it... its a good one.

We also made our annual trip to bear lake wife my cousin E and his wife. We had a really good time this year even with all the small bumps in the road. Good time.

Also in August... my early birthday present! My new camera. Oh I love it. I have had so much fun learning photography and I am excited for my new class starting in a couple weeks and my new lense that I got for Christmas to play with! Cant wait! These were some of my first pictures and I like um...

September... My birthday. Jon WAY outdid himself this year. First with the camera and then with an amazing weekend getaway to Park City. He put so much time and effort into making the day perfect for me and he certainly accomplished that! It was perfect!

We also had a GREAT Thanksgiving and Christmas which I do not really have pictures of, but they were both amazing. Surrounded by family and friends and some serious spoilage at Christmas... it was a really really nice holiday saeason.

We had so many good times this year... It was one I will never forget. We also had some really tough times, it was a year of patience, learning and gratitude. I am so grateful I had such a wonderful husband to help me through it. He was always there with a smile and a hug when I needed it. I cannot imagine my life without him. I love you babe!

Hope you all had a wonderful 2008 and I hope you have an even better 2009!

Holiday pudge...

2008-12-29T19:59:00.000-08:00

Ok, be honest... who else gained a little weight over the holiday season? I did! And all you pregnant girls do not count... I mean there was cheesecake and candies and treats EVERYWHERE! Whats a girl to do? The damage is done, might as well laugh about it now :)

Now, who wants to get rid of the holiday pudge? I do! What I would really like to do is get in one of those group training classes but since those are not free and I am already paying for the "gym"here in Foxboro, I propose this.... my own training group. Who's in? Seriously. I will create workouts every week (I'm thinking starting at just twice a week) and we can all do it together. I have a really hard time motivating myself to work hard at the gym, but if there is someone else there pushing me I always do better...

You would be doing me a favor and you might even get a little fitter yourself... think it over.